Chronicles of a Breakup

On love...found and lost... letting go... moving on... living life... starting over... and falling in love all over again.

The world is a great place. And being in love is one of the greatest feelings - tingles and everything. Conversely, having your heart broken sucks - big time! Two extreme emotions in the spectrum of love. Wouldn’t it have been much simpler if you had just stayed IN-love for the rest of your life? But that's not how the game of love is played. You'll never know that it's over until it's over. Sad thing is, whatever you do, you'll always be powerless against the twisted hands of fate. You'll just have to accept the bitter truth, swallow your pride and try your best not to be consumed by remorse and self-doubt.

Breakups are always hard - even the most amicable and mutual of separations - to both the dumper and the dumpee. And relationships that lasted for years are the hardest to come out of. The dumper is often plagued by feelings of guilt over breaking somebody's heart. Somebody whom the dumper deeply and genuinely(?) cared about. Countless days, nights, weeks or even months of thoughtful contemplation precedes THE "deed". The cons of staying in the relationship obviously outweighed the pros; hence, the unbelievably heart-wrenching but viciously honest final act of love is tendered. It is done. Au contraire for the dumpee, this is just the beginning. It’s like a rug has been pulled out from under you and your world has been turned upside-down. A swarm of overwhelming emotions torments you all at the same time – pain, fear, doubt, confusion, sadness, betrayal, etc. There are so many questions you want answered but you fear hearing them resolved with brutal honesty lest you get hurt even more. You feel sick… forlorn… dejected… abandoned… betrayed… empty… and miserably lost. But no matter what you do, the memory of love lost torments your every waking hour; then sleepless nights follow. You lose your appetite and your weight drops, your work suffers and even your other relationships take the back seat. You can’t seem to get a grip on things. You can’t take the first step because you don’t know how to. You blame the other woman…you blame your ex…you blame yourself. Sounds familiar? Well, this is the story of us all… of love and loss.

Oftentimes, we dwell in the past...endlessly torturing ourselves with thoughts of "I'm the one for him, he just can't see it now...but he will, eventually" or "Will I ever find another great love? Did I just lose my chance?" or "He'll come to his senses and when he does, I'll be right here waiting". Newsflash: Both of you may have been the greatest persons on earth, shared great chemistry, loved each other deeply; but now, you’re just not right for each other anymore. Because no matter how hard you try to cram your toes inside, if the shoe no longer fits – albeit it’s your favorite pair - it’s time to lay it aside and look for new ones. Thus, commencing your seemingly endless quest for that elusive perfect shoe.*** Truth of the matter is that: it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. Deny it all you want, but deep down inside, you know this to be true on some level. Feelings fade, people change and there’s nothing you can do about it – it’s a fact of life…offering no reason to numb the pain… this just is… the harsh but liberating truth. First step is acceptance. The best worst news is, you get to start over. You have full reign of your life. Enjoy this time while you can. Do all the things you have been thinking and planning to do but had no time – see the world, splurge, pamper yourself, catch up on your reading, reconnect with old friends. Because you’ll never know when love will come knocking on your door once again and the next relationship you’ll get into can be the one that lasts forever. However unthinkable these ”things” are, they do happen for a reason. It may be unfathomable to us now but all shall be revealed in time. Don’t go looking for answers that you know you’re not ready to be uncovered. Be patient… be still... better things will come. A perfect plan has already been laid out for you and all you have to do now... is wait. Don’t ruin your chance of finding your happy-ever-after by sticking it out with a relationship that you know has already been broken long before you even realize that it was.

Someday…somehow… things will fall in their rightful places. What’s meant to be, will ALWAYS find a way. But if it isn’t, live and let live… Be grateful for the fact that even once in your life, you have loved and have been genuinely loved in return. No regrets. No misgivings.

Let go... move on... live life... start anew... find love… and fall all over again.

And with William Ernest Henley, I’ll take my leave:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Good night.

*****

Soon to come...
My Breakup Diary
The Quest for the Perfect Shoe*** (to be co-authored w/ Ate Berns)

******

Quotable Quotes

© "I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake...daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."

© "All that I am...all that I see...all that I dream and do are brighter, more beautiful and meaningful, because of my feelings for you."

© "I can't escape the thought of you. Even in my dreams you are there. It's not fair how you're gone, and how you're moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past."

© "You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth."

© "Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

© "What's meant to be will always find a way."

© "A gift may not be able to represent how deep a person is in love with you, but one thing is certain, a person who never gives will never be able to take."

© "You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end."

© "I would rather have three minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special."

© "Never rush into falling in love, because love never runs out; let love be the one to knock at your door. Besides, true love is worth waiting for."