Ninoy's Letter to Daughter Ballsy (1973)

I have absolutely no doubt about Ninoy's achievements as a politician and as a mighty defender of our freedom.  Hat's off to the old guy. But as a writer and a poet... I am now officially a fan! =)   He is one cool dad, isn't he? Not to mention loving, showy, uninhibited, appreciative and affectionate.This is really really heart-warming to say the least. Father's day is still a year away but  why don't we spare a moment to remember , honor and give some love back to our dear ol dads, papas & tatays (who knows?they might be needing a little cheering up right now); not forgetting, of course, our Big Man up above.  And to all the dads out there, you know what to do... be more like Ninoy. Be appreciative, B-E...appreciative. =))   It won't hurt to show your kids your soft, mushy, squishy, sappy, over-sentimental self once in a while. *wink*

one up!
chie





*****************************


 August 18, 1973
FortBonifacio
Makati, Rizal



Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City



My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago "when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December." I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.

The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion , where lunch will be served by the pool.  And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love.. You are the first fruit of our union,  the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.

From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day. Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony's Island . Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have  to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.

Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I'll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not just the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so. Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all. You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations.  Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.



I love you,

Dad

The Verdict is in...

Took this IQ just for fun and also to placate my beleaguered mind. I feel like I've been dormant for too long so much so that the lack of spontanaeity and brain activity has sent my IQ down the drain. I remembered taking one in 2007 and got a 126 score. So now, the verdict is in...

*****

Insightful Linguist
Your IQ Score is: 133

You are gifted with the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.

Insightful linguists can take complex concepts and articulate them to just about anyone. You have a gift with words and insight into processes and the way people think. These talents enable you to explain things clearly to people. Helen Keller is a great example of an Insightful Linguist. Blind, deaf and mute, she was still able to put things together in her mind and to understand complex ideas. She could do that because she was able to conceptualize ideas internally. Though she could not literally see, she had the visual and spatial skills necessary to understand patterns on an abstract level. She learned to read, write and ultimately became a writer on issues of social justice.

You have an uncanny ability to work your way out of sticky situations using your talent with words. Crossword puzzles, debates — you're particularly well equipped to come out on top since you can read people well.

Like Charles Dickens, your verbal skills go far beyond having a good vocabulary. Dickens' genius was in the artful and descriptive way he crafted sentences. Also Dickensian, is your keen eye for detail and your adeptness for identifying the best way to express an idea based on your given surroundings and circumstances.

Your ability to communicate your vision clearly will take you far. So enjoy being perceptive, and make the most of your abilities as an insightful linguist.

MAKING AMENDS

Last night, I cried. I cried out to the Lord, just like David did when he said: “Why have You forsaken me? Why do You remain so distant? Why do You ignore my cries for help?” (Psalm 22:1) I pleaded with Him to make me FEEL His presence…to let me know that He is still there. You see, it is so easy to praise God and believe that he is working in your life when things are going great – when He has generously provided food, friends, family, health and happy situations. But when circumstances turn awry, how do you worship Him then? I begged the Lord to help me overcome my feelings and keep my faith when it feels as if He has abandoned and forgotten me – when He seems a million miles away. Because that’s when relating to God and worshipping Him gets difficult.



I know that there are times when He seems to be MIA (missing-in-action). It IS but normal. Every Christian undergoes this phase at least once, and usually several times. It is painful and disconcerting, but it is absolutely vital for the development of your faith. So, I just woke up one morning and all my spiritual feelings are gone. I prayed, but nothing happened. I went through spiritual exercises, but it didn’t change anything…I asked a dear friend to pray for me… I confessed every sin I could imagine…I fasted…still nothing. So I began to wonder how long this spiritual drought might last. Days? Weeks? Months? Will it ever end? It feels as if my prayers simply bounce off the ceiling. So I tried to run way, I tried to find escape and in utter desperation, cried out: “What’s the matter with me?!?!?”



Weeks had passed but I was still in the dark. I didn’t know then what was really transpiring, what was wrong with me, and what God was planning. I knew in my heart that there must be a reason for His silent presence. So I waited patiently. I just kept uttering that this too shall pass. Then…yesterday happened.



I didn’t know why I suddenly had the urge to browse through my outdated blog in Blogspot. I changed the layout, removed some widgets and played around with new ones, edited some of the entries, and I even wrote this obscure blog about a girl who developed a skewed view on relationships after being scarred and damaged by her one great love. Toinks! My beau even asked me who it was for, and I honestly answered I didn’t know. Then, by some unknown force I was taunted to read on. And there it was, staring back at me, pages after pages of poured out emotions – cheesy poems, dedicated love songs and vindictive rants. I began blogging in 2007; when my world was turned upside down. Hence, Purplegoddess (my alter ego) was born. Amidst all that was happening I found comfort in writing. It’s soothing familiarity took me back to my comfort zone which I haven’t been to in years. I had forgotten the feeling that in paper, I can be anything. So, it became my form of release of all the hurt and the pain that was bottling up inside me. Seeing my thoughts come to life in pages, made me feel free, or so I thought. Because that pseudo-freedom was only fleeting and temporary.



For a moment, I allowed myself to drown in the nostalgia. I can’t put my finger on what I was exactly feeling – I felt relieved but also guilty, I felt a tinge of regret but I was also extremely thankful… perhaps, I’m just glad that I survived that ordeal and reigned victorious. But that victory wasn’t mine, it was solely God’s. Tirelessly and til I reach my end, I will speak forth of His transforming glory. Never had I thought that I would be where I am now…unbounded and free! And never had I imagined that I could be so happy, contented and loved UNCONDITIONALLY! (One up to our Big Man above!) That same year, I was called by the Lord for a purpose. And I knew that regardless of circumstance, He had a plan for me. He is in full control of my life so I need not worry. I found refuge in His unfailing arms. And indeed, as He has promised, His grace is sufficient for me. And so began a beautiful friendship. God was very present in my life. There was nothing He asked of me in return but my willingness to follow Him. So I fervently prayed that He change my heart so that I could keep my eyes on Him and serve Him well. And He answered...He gave me my heart’s desire. I wanted to get to know Him, like he already knows me. Soon I found that once my relationship with Him was established everything else—career, family, goals, ambitions, finances, health and friendships—began to fall into their proper place.





Unfortunately however, Christian life is not always a bed of roses. You experience deep valleys, satiated forests and, like now for me, seemingly endless, dreary deserts. Going back to my story yesterday, I was still busy with work when an email caught my attention. It was work-related stuff, the usual that International Recruitment sends to us every single day. Normally, these emails go directly to my bin without much of a second glance from me. The task of disseminating them wasn’t mine so I don’t usually bother. But at that moment, I was compelled to look... and there it was written in bold red script. A name that I NEVER thought I’d see listed in King Faisal’s new arrivals with an ID badge to boot. It felt like I’d been hit right smack in the face, a rug had been pulled from under me and I’d been doused with ice-cold water. My body went numb and I couldn’t think straight. I was cornered… trapped… God-forsaken…betrayed. It was summer of 2007 all over again. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and maybe I wanted it so bad to be untrue, so I dared to open the file, read the content and in utter defeat, I let myself shed a tear. My mind was bombarded with questions…questions that I had no answer for. HOW CAN THIS BE? Are people deliberately trying to hurt me? How can people I trust do this to me? Why did I have to find out this way? How can someone just thrash away years of friendship? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why is the Lord allowing this kind of cruel irony?



I wanted to lash on someone. I wanted to flee. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think. Thankfully, my knight-in-shining armor came to my rescue. Grateful as I was for the love, comfort, security and strength provided, I knew that the clarity I was desperately searching for can only be found in prayer. So I knelt down, made peace with God and laid down every question, every concern and every apprehension. I told God exactly how I felt. I poured out my heart to Him. I unloaded every emotion that I was feeling. And just as I was beginning to feel guilty over complaining a lot, the Lord appeased me by reminding me of Job when he said: “I can’t be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I have to speak!” (Job 7:11). So, I asked the Lord what lesson He was trying to teach me, what character He’s trying to develop, how in the world I’d be able to overcome this test of faith and why was He “absent” when I needed Him most?



They say that the situations that will stretch your faith most will be those times when life falls apart and God is nowhere to be found. But I couldn’t find the strength or the will to understand my situation. I trust the Lord yet I feel despair at the same time. It was frustrating. There was nothing I could do and I was feeling hopeless. Though time healed all wounds yet the taste of betrayal was still so poignant, It wasn’t that I haven’t forgiven. I did. Countless of times, I forgave; because who am I not to? It would be hypocritical of me to expect forgiveness from the Father if I didn’t want to forgive those who has done me wrong, in return. “So what’s the problem Chie?”, I asked myself. And slowly it unfolded, it’s not so much as I haven’t forgiven, it’s because I haven’t heard the words that I needed to hear – that someone will take responsibility for what had happened. It’s not that people haven’t tried to apologize either (ok, so maybe SOMEONE really haven’t). It’s just that no one ever got it right before. TO MAKE AMENDS IS NOT JUST TO APOLOGIZE. IT’S TO MAKE A THING RIGHT. So there it was, the Lord quietly revealed to me what was wrong and what was really getting in the way… it was my PRIDE. All the while, it was ME,ME,ME. And I was ashamed. The Lord called us to settle our relationship with each other (2 Cor 5:18); He commanded to love our enemies and do good to those who hate us (Luke 6:27) and patiently reminded us that “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God." (Matt 5:23-24). With this, I was deeply humbled. It is not only me whom the Lord loves,but even those who has hurt me. It is not only me whom He will call to serve in His ministry. It is not me whom He has a purpose. And it is not only me who will merit His blessings. Because just like everyone else, I am nothing before God... I have nothing to boast. It is only by his GRACE that I find favor in his sight. He is a gracious, loving, forgiving, patient, all-knowing Father who envelops all of mankind with his penultimate love. He supplies, He provides, He gives, He forgives, He guides, He comforts, He protects not just those who love and obey Him (a.k.a. the "good" people); but even more so those who knowingly hurt & disobey Him. And all because He patiently, unconditionally, and irrevocably LOVE US!

So what now? Does this mean that I’m OK? Nope. By a long shot…NO. But I have faith in the Lord that His grace will walk me through this. He will be by my side. All the things I can’t do, HE CAN. And in my weakness, He will be my strength! I do not wish to question His plan or His purpose for "His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways". I am a work in progress… a masterpiece in the making… but when my Potter is done with me, I will be a sight to behold. Whole. Healed. And this time... FOR REAL.



I will be fine. Just as the Lord has promised that everything will work out together for good for those who love God and are called for His purpose. I will be just...perfect...in His time!




To God be the glory!

IMPASSE

Our story begins with the girl who is hurting over a guy she can’t have. You see, after losing all hope of ever finding love again after your one great love has failed you…your world is turned upside down then it stops. You then try your darnest to turn it right side up and get it to spin again. So amidst the hullabaloo, somehow, in some weird way, life begins anew. So you’re happy, and giddy and contented all on your own. Everything is where it should be and everything makes sense again. You realize that this is the perfect place for you…this is where you should be… and there is no better place in the world that you need to be…right now.

So what is a newly reformed superwoman to do when a budding love comes knocking – unwelcome, yet still patiently knocking – on your front door? I’m not gonna try comparing Dashing Debonair 1 and Dashing Debonair 2 because they are very, very different; but love is love and you FEEL it through your very core…try as you might to fight, deny or suppress its looming presence, yet you know in your not-so-deep subconscious that you are profoundly smitten by budding love-slash-Dashing Debonair 2.

Thing is, YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM. Can you imagine that? To love someone and they love you but you can’t be together. To see him everyday – every single day, and not be able to touch him, hold him, kiss him. Well, this is the hell that is whose life right now? You long for him. You want him. But you can’t have him. Because it’s dangerous to love him. Loving him can get you hurt again. So you choose to stay away and just be contented with watching him from afar. So is it even logical to still have hope? That you CAN be together again one day? I don’t know. But I think hope is good. Hope is something we all need.

And Budding Love is trying. He is struggling to heal himself. He’s done with denial. Let’s face it, nothing hits home like almost losing the love of your life over your deep, dark secrets...of tales of unrequited love, estranged fiancés, fruit of past loves and what-nots. Which is why he is in serious meditation. And I admire him for seeking help right away. It’s brave. Brave because he has to relive things that nearly cost him his “life”. And yet he’s given himself over to self-introspection, hoping that this can help. And when he defines that feeling of despondency and despair, my heart broke because he is so tortured, but I also feel victorious. Because there’s a chance he can mend. And with that possibility comes hope. There’s that word again…

All the 80's Babies in the House Say, Yeah!

Para sa lahat ng ipinanganak noong dekada '80s at nagkamuwang noong dekada '90s...

1. Jolina Magdangal - kapartner ni Marvin Agustin kung saan nauso ang chuvachuchu chuvachuchu at mga parang Chirstmas tree na hairstyle at outfit.

At alam na alam mong nagmula si Jolina, o Jolens para sa mga miyembro ng Jolina Magdangal Fansclub AMA Computer College Chapter, sa sikat na sikat na TV show kapag 4:30 na! ANG TV NA!

Kilala mo rin sina Lindsay Custodio, Victor Neri, Francesca (Cheska) at Patrick Garcia, Vandolph, Jan Marini,Rica Peralejo, atbp. Patok na patok din ang TGIS at ang kalaban nitong Gimik. Dapat kilala mo sina Wacks (Joaquin Torress III) at Peachy, sa Gimik naman nakilala si G Toengi na naging hostess ng Music Bureau with FrancisM na pinalitan ni Jao Mapa.

2. Kapag ikaw ay kapos na sa mga salita ay maaari mong gamitin ang mga katagang chuva, chenes, chenelin, ganun, ganun-ganun, ayun o kaya ang mga expressions na "Wala lang", "Ano ba `yan?," "OVEEEERRR," that later on evolved to "WHY NOTTTTTT??" courtesy of Kris Aquino.

3. Robinson's Galleria na napabalitang may ahas daw sa fitting room na ang pangalan ay Robina (famed sister of Robinson). Biktima rito si Alice Dixson na umano'y tumakbong naka-bra at panty lang nang makita ang ahas sa fitting room. Malamang ang balitang ito ay black propaganda ng Megamall.

4. Speaking of malls, sa panahong ito rin nauso ang arcade games (bulok pa ang Ragnarok at ano pang online gaming sa kasalukuyan) . Astig ka kapag pupunta ka ng Glico's sa Quad (Timezone sa Glorietta ngayon) tapos marunong kang mag Street Fighter o Virtual Fighter. Kung ayaw mo naman ng violence e pwede kang mag-Dance Revo!

5. Ang digmaan ng mga Hip-hop at Metal. Sabi ng Hip-hop "YO! WASSUP, HIPHOP HOOORRAAAAAYYY! " Sagot ng mga Metal, "HIPHOP BULOK!! PUNKS' NOT DEAD! ANARCHY! ANARCHY!" Uso ito sa Megamall. Mga hiphop na naka-pinahabang puruntong o pinaikling pantalon o kaya baggy pants, low waist, at may mga blingblings na peace sign o kaya kadena ng bisikleta o fanbelt. Ang mga metal laging naka-itim (Top 40 na tshirt, Pantera, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Sepultura, Metallica, etc.) tapos naka-fit na pantalon at Chuck Taylor. Ang mga Hiphop ay flat tops ang buhok na may guhit pa minsan sa gilid samantalang ang mge metal ay GQ ang buhok na naka-undercut pa. Lahat ng metal marunong mag-gitara kahit ang alam lang tugtugin ay `Line to Heaven' ng Introvoys (Intro: D-A-G-A; intro lang kasi nga Intro-boys). Kung may identity crisis ka malamang ay ang papakinggan mo na lang ay si FrancisM, rap na may heavy distortion ang guitar riffs, astig ang bahista ng Hardware Syndrome with matching scratches ni DJ Kimozave at ba-backup naman ang Evil Stepsisters.

6. Eraserheads - karugtong ng digmaan ng mga Hiphop at Metal. Sila ang muling nagpauso ng Chuck Taylor. `Pare Ko' ang pangalawa sa `Line to Heaven' na alam gitarahin ng mga gustong maging katulad ni Ely. Nag-ambisyon ang lahat na mapabilang sa isang banda. Kung kilala mo ang Eheads, malamang alam mo rin ang Yano, The Youth, Razorback, Color It Red, Mastaplann (teka, Hiphop yata ito), Dahong Palay, Reanimator, Death by Stereo, Rizal Underground, Rivermaya (na si Bamboo pa ang bokalista), True Faith, Fatal Posporos, Datu's Tribe, Tribal Fish, Arachnida, Alamid, Teeth, at alam mong hindi kano si Basti Artadi ng Wolfgang (imagine Eddie Vedder singing `Halik ni Hudas').

7. Ultimate Warrior - namatay daw dahil binuhat si Andre the Giant (na namatay din that time). May ibang balitang namatay siya dahil daw pumutok ang muscles niya sa sobrang higpit ng tali.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - sina Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael. Master nila si Splinter, kaibigang reporter si April O'Neal. Kalaban sina Shredder, Bebop, Rocksteady, Krang at ang mga Foot Soldiers (na parang mga tauhan ni Dr. Man ng Bioman). Tapos uso ang retromutagenooze na mabibilil mo sa suking SM toyland. COWABUNGA, DUDE!"

9. Ang Pepsi 349 Scandal. Kung valid man ang libo libong claims ng mga Pilipinong nakakuha ng tansan na may tatak sa ilalim na 349 ay hindi ito makaka-apekto sa lumalalang global warming na nararanasan ng mundo. Ang nakapag-benefit lang dito ay ang Coke dahil sa libo libong nag-boycott sa Pepsi na feeling nila ay na-raket lang sila. (Parang 80's yata ito)

10. Ang Alamat ng Zagu. Ito ay ang pinasosyal na palamig, sago at gulaman. Kung anong meron dito ay ang pakiramdam na ikaw ay IN, HIP, at COOL. Ang pila dito ay singhaba ng pila sa US embassy na gustong makakita ng snow at pumunta ng Disneyland (wala pa kasing Hong Kong Disneyland e) at ang kumpol ng mga tinedyers na may supsop supsop na Zagu ay sindami ng mga lalaking naka-white t-shirt sa Kalaw na nagbabakasakaling maging seaman at OFW. Talaga naman everyone went gaga over zagu.

11. Easycall at Beeper 125. Wala lang ganun, text messaging na itatawag mo pa sa call center para masabi mong I M HERE AT HOM, PLS COME OEVR. Tapos yung may pager na nasa labas hahanap ng payphone para tawagan ang nag-page sa kanya. Kaso mahirap makakuha ng txtmate dito, di ko lang sure ko pwedeng i-page ang SAN N U? D2 N ME.Ü

12. Bago nakilala si Shakira ay sumikat muna si Thalia na mas kilala nating gumanap bilang Marimar. Pero mali ang nagsabing ito ang unang telenovela na naipalabas sa Pilipinas dahil nauna rito ang La Traidora sa channel 9. Kilala mo siguro si Pulgoso at Padre Pio at sino bang makakalimot kay Fernando Jose na mas kinky pa ang buhok sa dibdib kesa sa ulo, salamat kay Ogie Alcasid dahil mas nabigyan niya ng hustisya ang papel na ito. Sinundan ito ng mga makasaysayang Maria La Del Barrio na nagevolve sa Taiwan bilang Meteor Garden at nang mapunta sa Korea ay naging Jewel in the Palace.

13. Speaking of Ogie Alcasid, bago pa man ang Bubble Gang ay una na tayong pinalagpak sa upuan kakatawa ng Tropang Trumpo. Nariyan ang Caronia dance na kahit ito lang ang alam mong sayawin ay kayang kaya mong talunin si Charlene Gonzales sa Feel Like Dancing. Dito rin nakilala si Earl Ignacio (ang boses sa likod ni Peter Pan) na naging syota ni Cristine Bersola bago siya naging Mrs. Babao.

14. The Uncanny X-Men. Ang lyrics ng intro at ending nito ay tinginingininini tinginingingini, ting ting! Love story ito, umikot ang kwento sa love triangle nila Cyclops, Jean Grey at Wolverine. Bakit kasi lahat ng hinahalikan ni Rogue ay nanghihina. Si Jubilee ba ay babae o batang babae? Kapatid ba ni Storm si Undertaker kasi parehong nawawala ang pupil ng mga mata nila? Meron palang halimaw na kulay blue, sa totoo lang siya si Grimace ng McDonald's at nagiging bestial lang siya kapag tinawag siya ni Professor X. Kung iisipin mo mas wholesome panoorin ang Captain
Planet,, pwedeng pambata at pwede ring pang-environmentali st. GO PLANET!!

15. ung panahon ng Miss Universe (circa Charlene Gonzales, Shushmita Sen, Viveka Babajee, at Dayanara Torres) ay lahat ng lalaki kahit babae ay patay na patay kay Miss Belguim. Siya si Christelle Roelandts na pagkatapos ng pageant ay di na natin alam kung anong nangyari sa kanya. Pero may nabalitang nakapag-asawa siya ng astronaut at nanay siya ng quadruplets na huwag mong paniwalaan kasi imbento ko lang ang bahagi ng kwentong ito.

16. Balik tayo sa Megamall. Nung dekada ring ito nagkalat ang balitang wag kang manunood ng sine sa mall na ito kasi may nang-iinjection ng AIDS dito. Siguro ganti ito ng Robinson's Galleria sa kanila nang sumunod kasi na araw sa Megamal na bumili ng bra at panty si Alice Dixson.

17. Ang Sabado Nights Girl na si Ina Raymundo ay ina na sa totoong buhay. Ang awiting Sabado Nights ay kinanta ng Rizal Underground. Wala na akong ibang kwento tungkol dito.

18. Sa panahon ding ito sumikat ang matinee idol na naging inspirasyon ng maraming kabataan dahil sa pagiging love team nila ni Judy Ann. Ang
nasirang si Rico Yan. Ang ipinagtataka ko lang ay nauna lang nag kaunti ang pagkamatay nina Lucio San Pedro at Levi Celerio, na itinuturing nating mga Alagad Ng Sining, sa pagkamatay ni Rico Yan, pero mas nagdalamhati ang sambayanan nang malaman nilang hindi na pala magkakabalikan sina Claudine Baretto at Rico Yan kasi nga namatay si Rico Yan sa piling ni Dominic Ochoa. Kung overdose sa ecstasy ang kaniyang ikinamatay o dahil sa bangungot ay hindi na mahalaga dahil sa panahong ito isinilang ang Rico Yan Youth Foundation, hayan may kabuluhan naman pala.

19. Nung wala pang Ipod at nalaos na ang walkman ay nauso naman ang discman nuong dekada `90. Kaya lang, mahirap mag-jogging na ang bibit mo ay walkman dahil skip lang nang skip ang lens sa CD at di mo mapatugtog ng maayos. Di rin pwede sa kotse kasi pag nalubak o dumaan sa hump o biglang huminto ay skip na naman ang discman bago pa naimbeto ang CD player na may anti-shock. Kaso bakit di nauso ang discman na may FM/AM receiver?

Kung naka-abot ka sa bahaging ito at naka-relate sa karamihan ng mga nakasulat dito, malamang ay high school ka nung panahong laos na ang mga larong tumbang preso, taguan, teks, chinese garter, step no, at piko. At ang hinlalaki mo ay puro kalyo na kaka-pindot ng controller ng Family Computer. Siguro ngayon ay isa ka nang propesyunal o family person o kung ano man ang iyong ginagawa na kahit abalang abala sa maraming bagay ay meron pa ring naitatabing oras para sariwain ang alaala ng nakalipas at ang katotohanan ng buhay na minsan ay nagturo sa iyong harapin ang kinabukasan.

CREDITS: Thanks Te Maja.Got this from your FB Post.Cheers!

The WARRIOR

For the Warrior there is no such thing as an impossible love.

He is not intimidated by silence, indifference or rejection. He knows that
behind the heart of ice that people wore, there beats a heart of fire.

This is why the Warrior takes more risks than other people. He is
constantly seeking the love of someone, even if that means often having to
hear the word "no", returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body
and soul.

A Warrior never gives in to fear when he is searching for what he needs.

Without love, he is nothing.

-Paulo Coelho

Dahil Summer Na...Wear Sunscreen!

I first came across this poem - Wear Sunscreen by Mary Schmich - way back in high school when we were assigned to look for a literary piece to memorize and eventually deliver to the whole class. I remember thinking that there were a lot of things mentioned in the poem that didn't quite make sense to me, like when the poet compared "worrying" to "solving an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum". (huh? wut da!?!?) And even the opening line left me feeling daft: "If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it". I imagined myself lying on my death bed, surrounded by my loved ones and telling them that the most important advice I could leave them with was "to wear sunscreen". (O db? Ang weirdanx lang. LOL). Back then I thought, I was probably biting more than I could chew so I moved on to read another poem. Besides, I told myself, the poem was such a bore – IT DIDN'T RHYME!



Fast-forward to 2007, in my lowest of low a dear friend – itago natin sya sa pangalang boatmate – forwarded to me a youtube link of a song by Baz Luhrman. I was having a pretty bad day, no scratch that, month…and the song was meant to cheer me up. We were both having a hard time dealing with our "transition period" and thus, subjected ourselves to this penultimate quest of trying to "find" ourselves. Kaya yun, in order to avoid partial autism, we ended up indulging our NERDY NEEDS --- constant blogging, swapping hard-to-find ebooks, endorsing piracy ( no wonder Multiply banned mp3 downloads), proving (yeap, you heard me right, as in logic and proof with all the If, Then & Therefore) ridiculous statements such as "1=2" or "your age by eating out"!!! Talk about getting over a slump. Going back, when the song was first mentioned to me I found it a bit queer. I mean, if you're trying to top the Billboard charts would you name your single Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)? I didn't realize that it was the exact same poem-like essay that I read not too long ago until I got to the lyrics. Kanta na sya ngayon! Odb? Asensado. And that's when it hit me. The author wasn't demented after all. She was speaking life-changing truths. Harsh realities based on actual experiences. The wisdom behind the seemingly inconsequential words was very profound that only the Elect, honed and sculpted by Time, can truly understand. Only when you have seen the worst and survived the worst, can you say "Wear sunscreen" and mean it. (Note to Boatmate: If you're reading this, thank you for everything. The boat I was in [then] would have toppled over or I would have been consumed by the crashing waves, if it hadn't been for you. The journey became bearable knowing that I wasn't alone. I miss your kind words and your wise counsel. I miss the friendship. But wherever life leads us, the sense of belongingness is here to stay. Stay happy!)



Oh and about that literary piece assignment, I ended up reciting Anabelle Lee!!!! nyahaha...In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me… by Edgar Allan Poe. Feeling ko kasi it was a story of undying love and of happily-ever-afters, only to find out in the end that it was such a morbid tale…Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.



So here it is, free sunscreen for everyone!



Happy reading!





****************



Wear sunscreen.



If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.



Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.



Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.



Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.



Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.



Floss.



Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.



Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed indoing this, tell me how.



Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.



Stretch.



Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.



Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.



Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.



Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.



Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.



Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.



Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.



Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.



Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.



Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes yousoft. Travel.



Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.



Respect your elders.



Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out..



Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.



Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.



But trust me on the sunscreen..

"Dream, Desire, Dare & Do" - Lourdes Azupardo-Abitria (1962-1992)

(Clockwise from top: Epz, No, Yaj, Chie, Mama, Len)



My little sister, our beloved bunso, posted this collage as her Friendster primary pic. It caught my attention and my initial reaction was why she didn't include our dad. Then I proceeded to read her shout out: "happy birthday mama (2/11/1962)., :) we LOVE her and MISS her as well., adi mga kapatid? aus ba? haha.," and it hit me, 11 Feb 2009, that's tomorrow!!! No! Of course I hadn't forgotten. How could I?



Natuwa lang ako at the same time nalungkot. It was a very touching gesture by my little sister who was just a year old when our mom passed away in the summer of 2001. I was 9 then. My brothers were 7, 5 & 3. Amongst the 5 of us, Len was the least to know our mom. She doesn't have anything AT ALL to remember Mama by. She doesn't have even the faintest memories of how caring, how loving, how nurturing mama was. And it breaks my heart.



Mama died due to multiple sclerosis (an incurable degenerative disease even to this day). All I could remember during the last 2 years of her life was that she was in and out of the hospital every few weeks. Sometimes lasting for months. I didn't even know what they were doing to her. Big words constantly fill the conversations of the adults like chemotherapy, radiation, and MRI. When I asked my mom what's wrong with her, she'd just say nothing and assure me that she'll be coming home soon. And she usually does. She'd be home for a month or so. Going back to her usual routine of teaching high school math, taking care of us, doing my projects, helping me on my assignments, making sure that I remain on the top spot of my class, putting up with my dad, etc. And it would be normal for us again. I felt assured that the doctors were doing what they were supposed to be doing - curing my mom.



You see, my faith in the white-coat donning modern day superheroes (aka doctors) was implicit, a sort of hero worship if you will. Because they're smarties who SAVE lives. And I liked to pretend they have all the answers to explain every possible anomaly of the human body, that they learned all these answers in a very popular med school course called "THE ANSWERS!" Sadly, this is not the case. There is no such course. They learn to use good judgment to get close to the answers... and then they guess. And sometimes they're right. And sometimes they're wrong. And sometimes it's too close to call... in our mom's case it was way too late when they realized what WAS wrong... 15years too late!



So when Len bravely asked "THE" question, 2 years ago during one of my vacations, I was dumbfounded. We were all gathered in Mamalol's place (except for No who was in PMA) for lunch. She simply asked: "How did Mama die? What was she like? Mabait ba sya?" It was the first time in years that anyone of us breached that topic. And the question was so innocent and so full of meaning at the same time...i couldn't help but cry. Then the stories came pouring. My younger brothers even shared theirs. Some said things that I already forgot and it was refreshing to remember Mama that way. Not when she was already bed-ridden but when she was still healthy, thriving, and so full of life!



Our dearest Mama Nene (as we lovingly called her) was (like me) the eldest in her brood of 4. She had me when she was about to graduate in college. Like many others during their time, she and my dad "romantically" eloped upon knowing that they'll be having me in a few months(I was a December baby. Go figure!). Nevertheless, that bulging belly and all) never stopped her from garnering that much-deserved Latin honors. She graduated Cum Laude. And as our dear aunt lovingly recalled the age-old story, Mama could have become the Magna Cum Laude had it not been for me (kasalanan ko naman pala!hehe). Afterwards, she became a high school Math teacher. And a pretty
good one at that. As far as I could remember, she became the youngest Department Head in the whole school at 22! She was constantly away for trainings and seminars as she was being groomed to heading a division or something. She was a real achiever, no doubt, and she could have gone to become a somebody in the world of education had she lived long enough.



So, can you imagine how my childhood was? Well, with 2 Math teachers for parents, we have a very strict study schedule to follow. No TV was allowed after dinnertime. Cruel, I know! Every night save for weekends, we had to take our books, notebooks and pencils out, ready for the ensuing tutoring session with our mom. And she doesn't stop with the assignments either, she always preps us up for the next lessons as well. Get this, in second grade, while my classmates were busy solving problems about apples and oranges, I already know how to solve the x & y's of basic algebra!!!! We had encyclopedias and scientific calculators for toys; chess and Da-math constitute our "playtime"; and all the books we could consume sporadically strewn around the house. Dolls and toy cars were practically non-existent! She'd make sure that all my projects gets done and all I had to do was submit them. Our mom was the absolute best! But all her hard work was not in vain, the top spot in class was always ready for our taking! So when she passed on, I unconsciously took over this particular responsibility with my siblings. And they would often complain that I'm much grouchier not to mention horribly impatient than our mom ever was. (What d'ya expect from a 10-year old?duh!)



During the 9 short years that i had with Mama, I never saw her cry, breakdown, freak-out or lose control. Even when Papa and she had a fight. Actually, I never saw them fight. Not even once ( interesting thought…hmmm). Life was hard for us - imagine raising 5 kids with the salary of a high school teacher. But she was always on top of things and she always manages to make ends meet. Even when she had nothing at all, she had everything to give. She endured the hardships of being a young mom without sacrificing her dreams. Her uncanny ability to withstand any problem that comes her way - juggling family and her career - was truly inspirational! She's very resilient not to mention competitive. Her appetite for knowledge and her strong will purpose can surpass that of anyone I knew. I was just thinking, at my age of 26, Mama already had a flourishing career with a Master's degree to boot, and 3 kids to sustain! Who does that?!? I can't even imagine myself having kids yet, and she
already had 3! I realized, I'd never be like her - even if I wish to…no matter how tried. I'll never measure up.



These last few words immortalized in one of her journals that my brother and I unearthed when she was gone had remained in our hearts to live by: "Dream, Desire, Dare & DO"! Somehow, it served like a "huling-habilin" for us: Dream big. Desire for it. Dare yourself. & Just DO it! Wise counsel, indeed.



Mama was a dainty little lady who has a big heart, a pure soul, a sharp mind and a loving spirit. She was, is and forever will be our very own supermom!




Happy birthday, Mama!




WE LOVE YOU! Somehow, someday, we will make you proud.





We remember,

Maria Richelle "Chie" A. Abitria (1982)

Roger "No" A. Abitria Jr. (1984)

Roger "JJ" A. Abitria III (1986)

Roger "JP" A. Abitria IV (1988))

Lynne Richelle "Len" A. Abitria (2000)

LOVE vs ADDICTION

Addiction. Who doesn’t love a good addiction? You try something. You like it. You try it again. You build a little ritual around it, make it a special part of your day. You tell time by it. “Must be noon, cause I’m jonesing for another cup of my special English tea!” or “I know it’s morning cause I’m awake and ready for a hit of crystal meth!”

DON’T DO METH, KIDS.

Scenario #1: The recently broken-up couple

See, here’s the thing: anything can be addictive. And it’s not always easy to spot when something slips down that slippery slope from experiment to habit to addiction. Derek and Meredith thought they’d ended it. Cold turkey. White knuckle. Over. So over. Well, it wasn’t totally over. There was a bit of a hang-over. A little no-strings-attached sex. Just for old times sake. No harm, no foul. But the thing is, there is harm. Derek doesn’t like it. He wants to talk. He wants to sleep over. He wants lunch, with the woman he loved, or loves, or has some impossible to define love related interaction with. He’s settling for just the sex, cause that’s all she’s willing to indulge. But that’s only hurting him. It’s just enough of the drug to keep him hooked. Never enough to satisfy him, only enough to make him want more. And he knows. He knows he’s got a problem, but he can’t walk away.

Love. It’s like crystal meth.

DON’T DO METH.

Scenario #2: The impending breakup

Even Callie’s strung out. Callie, who always seemed stronger than the rest of them. More together. Less at the mercy of her emotions. Sure, George’s on-again, off-again interest, his loosey goosey commitment made her kind of nuts, but she always seemed like she was handling it. Now she’s walking around the hospital like a crazy person. Falling down on the job, which she NEVER does. Unable to concentrate on anything other than the sneaking suspicion that her husband’s having an affair. She knows it, in her heart she can’t deny it. But she can’t face it either. She’s in a marriage that’s destroying her, and her husband’s about to come clean and maybe put them both out of their misery, but she can’t let him do it. She can’t let him say it. She’d rather be a strung out junkie than deal with the pain of withdrawal.

That’s a pretty serious drug.

BUT NOT AS SERIOUS AS CRYSTAL METH, WHICH YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T DO.

So don’t get into relationships with people who can’t handle them. Don’t you just want to shake Derek and Callie? Don’t you want to shake them and say, “These people keep telling you they can’t give you what you want – believe them!” But shaking them wouldn’t help. Because they’re addicted. They can’t walk away even when they want to.

Sad, isn’t it? -30-

The Untold Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the not-so-distant past, there lived a young, naïve girl without a care in the world. Armed with nothing but a pinch of hope and an ounce of self-esteem, she bravely entered the kingdom of UPLB. This was a realm where freedom reigned supreme. Liberalism, autonomy and non-conformity is encouraged whilst conventionality, compromised submission and orthodoxy is blatantly dissuaded. The people are pushed to speak up their minds and fight for their rights (if need be). So, on she persevered to prove herself worthy of the title bestowed upon her by the sovereign people of the democracy. She indeed became a bonafide Iska making her way up to earn the much-coveted BS Chemical Engineering diploma to bring home to her doting father back in the outskirts of Bicolandia.

But alas! Unsuspectingly, fate intervened. God has other plans for her. Certain circumstances in her life then, dictated that she give up her senior year for "sustenance"; and forced her to succumb to her socio-economic duties. Her family needed her. Refusing to play the damsel-in-distress parody (eagerly awaiting for her Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet); she stubbornly took the helm, wore the knight-in-shining-armor insignia, and came to their rescue.

But even before her world turned upside down, she innocently gave her heart away to her very first love...a passion that has driven her through the 5 excruciating years of mathematical formulas and chemical experiments... a dip into a surreal world that stripped away all her inhibitions and unraveled layers and layers of masked pretenses. An unfathomable, overwhelming love that drew her to the brink of self-destruction…consuming her very soul. The art. The love. The fervor for DANCE.

Dancing has set her free. Unwanted thoughts eluded her when confined in her element. It gives her the feeling of limitless possibilities. On stage…basking in the glory of a well-performed, adrenaline-induced, artistic repertoire…she had soared. She had flown. She had lived. Or so she thought…

This passion, though, has proven to be agonizingly futile. Dancing, as a profession was…well… frowned upon. It was considered to be among the lowly ranks of being a jester or the clown in the royal courts. Thus, throwing her into the arms of a monotonously white-collared but financially well-off second love...her job. Her career drove her to new heights she never imagined. It delivered as promised… It placed food on the table, didn’t it? ‘Twas her family’s saving grace. And she was able to procure assets she could only dream of. Investment after investment she ventured on. Piece by piece, parcel by parcel, possession by possession… on and on, she went through the process of acquisition. She labored for years on end, thinking that this would be enough. She soared. She flew. She lived. Or so she thought…

In the end, gratifying her self-absorbed delusions of grandeur wasn’t, isn’t and will never be the answer she was desperately looking for. She was only fooling herself into thinking that financial security and stability can fill the void in her life. Just as dance wasn’t able to define her as person, she found out not a little too soon, that her career wasn’t “ALL THAT” as well.

And like any other respected lady in the House of Singlehood, she wasn’t spared from heartaches and heartbreaks. Though donning the steel armor of faith, she had an Achilles’ heel as well. Her HEART proved to be her downfall. She had recklessly given bits and pieces of her heart to undeserving men-of-honor. Countless times, her heart soared. Flew. And lived. Or so she thought…

The enemy, being the devious thief in the night, was always ready to pounce on her especially when she puts her guard down. Lies, dishonesty, and deception were sugar-coated in promises of perpetual happiness, pledges of eternal commitment and thoughts of forever. But that’s just about it. Mere promises…empty… temporary…devoid of any lasting assurance.

In the years that ensued, being incorrigibly stubborn, she only served one “god”…her own sweet self. She engorged herself in things, activities, passions that served the glorious reign of her one great love. She was, in essence, a self-serving, self-edifying, self-centered, ego-maniacal, selfish brat. She was altogether lonely…altogether empty… altogether LOST.

Finally, that girl who dreamt but was dejected, who soared high but ungraciously fell down, who flew to unreachable heights but was taken down my circumstance, who lived unsparingly only to die again. That girl finally found salvation. She finally found the answer to her unending quest. An eternal promise that can never be broken. A love never-ending that has, is and will transcend time and space like no other love ever known to man. She finally found her happy-ever-after… in Jesus Christ her one true God, Lord, Savior and Redeemer!

Finally found. Finally saved. Finally contented and happy. That girl was ME.

From Glory to Glory I was changed.

From Glory to Glory I was renewed.

From Glory to Glory I now live.

To GOD be the Glory!

~THE END~

Note to self:

Well, the end is naught. DANCE is my first love. And first loves never die, or so goes the cliché.

IF I WERE MEREDITH GREY...

I LOVE Grey’s Anatomy (read: Shonda Rhimes is a sheer genius!). It’s one of my guilty pleasures. I adore the characters because I could often relate to them; obviously not the work stuff, but the problems they face, the friendship they formed and the personal struggles they all had to go through.

Everyone I know (including myself) are broken and damaged or dark and twisty. I am not proud of the mistakes I’ve done in the past, but it’s what made the person I’ve become. If I were to re-write my story, I wouldn’t change a thing (oh well, maybe a few erasures here and there. kidding). Because no matter how many times I fell, no matter how many times people broke my trust, no matter how bleak the future was then… the thing is, I survived. As long as you live through another day, it’s one more chance... one more opportunity to make things right or at least do the right thing. Why not make the most of it? Besides, we all carry our own baggage. We all have our ominous past that shadows our seemingly-perfect present. And even the best of us are after all still, broken and damaged or dark and twisty.

After learning my lessons well, I vowed to exercise extreme caution, prudence, patience, and utmost sensibility before making any life-changing decisions. I have to think it through a million times before making the jump. Especially on love and relationships. I’ve always believed in the beauty of a quintessential love affair where love, respect & loyalty is primary, commitment is necessary and communication is key. Call it a twisted reality, a futile fantasy, a childish delusion…call it whatever you like. But isn’t it the beauty of love… you fall when you least expect it… you drown when you think everything’s fine… then at the moment when you thought you’re done for, you’ll soar once again.

Thing is… you can’t expect the unexpected. So you’ll never be prepared when whatchamacallit comes knocking at your door. So what if, when you thought it was time to see who’s on the other side, you find – not one, but two prospective knights-in-shining-armor desperately fighting for your affection? What is a damsel-in-distress (na sobra haba ng hair) to do? If you were to choose between King Arthur and Sir Lancelot, who would you go for?

My solution: no one…JUST YET. I resorted to… … DATING (both of them. Hahaha.)! I'm bad? I know!!!! But it’s fun…tingles and everything… until the time that I HAVE to choose. Darn! Do I really have to?

Then another sign poking at my now-despondent conscience was staring in front of me while I was answering a survey earlier. One of the questions was:

16.) Ever dated two people at once? (Guess what my answer was? ;p)

I couldn’t help laughing at the seemingly-innocent, matter-of-fact way the question was thrown at me as if it were goading me to make a smart-ass answer. Hence, I remembered this scene from Grey’s Anatomy’s Sometimes a Fantasy:

MEREDITH: Enough! This is not dating. I want moonlight, and flowers, and candy, and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up. Nobody is even looking at me! I'm an intern. Do the two of you have any idea how much effort it takes to do all this? (She motions to her body.) I'm waxed, and plucked, and I have a clean top on. (Shouting) And the two of you are looking at each other.

DEREK: Meredith, it's...

MEREDITH: No! My fantasy is not two men looking at each other.

FINN: We didn't...

MEREDITH: No talking until one of you figures out how to put on a date! I want heat, I want romance, damn it I wanna feel like a freakin' lady!

So, who are my Derek and Finn? Intrigued? Sorry, but I won’t be divulging their top-secret identities here. So it shall remain that way…for now…this will have to suffice:

My Finn: I’ve known him for quite some time now. A dear friend who knows how to listen and when to give me advice. Someone whom I'm really comfortable with and most importantly, someone whom I can count on if I ever needed anything. Basically a good guy who dreams of a happy ending. His version of a happy-ever-after involves a loving wife and a couple kids to boot! An ideal family man…need I say more?

My Derek: Has a dark past…and waaaaay too much baggage to carry around (which he thoughtfully confessed right after he told me his intentions…how convenient db?) Most (if not all) of my friends says he’s bad news and that he’s not good for me (note: he pledged allegiance to a certain brotherhood of testosterone-pumping, ego-inflated men whose reputation can only be matched by their legendary notoriety. But behind the menacing facade, a sweet, loving and surprisingly warm creature resides. There’s never a dull moment with him. I don’t know how to say this…but I guess, we just clicked.

So, there goes my dilemma. When my Tita said that my Derek is bad for me and and that my Finn is a good thing, there’s some truth to it. Finn is a rescuer-guy. You know, rescuer-guys, right? They’re the ones who are determined to break through the scary/damaged barrier we dark and twisty girls put up. They’re the real thing, rescuer-guys are the guys you marry.

The guys you should marry. But then there are the Dereks of the world…

Let me say a little something about McDreamy men. They are scary and damaged themselves. They carry a little bit of tortured soul in them. But they mean well. And they’re honest. And they’re so, so, so darn tempting. Especially when they say “I just…I love you. I have loved you…forever.” How in the world are we supposed to say no to that? We should. We should send them packing. But…SERIOUSLY?

And so Meredith…errrr… I mean, I (Chie) am left with this choice. Between what my brain knows what I should do and what my heart wants to do. And while it seems obvious and easy, it’s absolutely not. Finn has plans. And Derek got issues. And there’s the choice to be healthy and mature and whole, and the choice to jump off the cliff. And no one jumps off a cliff without a parachute if they know what is good for them. Plus, it’s not like I don’t have feelings for Finn. I definitely have feelings for Finn. And I know Derek said that he really, really, genuinely likes me… but is it enough?

The confusion is confusing and the heartbreak that always feels imminent is scary -- so freaking scary the idea that you could make the wrong choice and lose the right man -- even the idea that you might make the right choice and lose the wrong man is upsetting when you really, really like them both.

That would give any girl pause. Major, major pause.

I am pausing.

I’ve hit the pause button.

But, ultimately, I like to take my finger off the pause button and see what happens next.

A Simple Request...

IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THERE, WHEN I TURN AROUND...
PLEASE DON'T FOLLOW



IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA RUN AWAY
PLEASE STOP THE CHASE....



...IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO CATCH ME...













PLEASE DON'T LET ME FALL...

UNWRITTEN LETTER#1

I'VE CRASHED AND BURNED A MILLION TIMES

I'VE BEEN BROKEN, I'VE BEEN MAIMED, I'VE BEEN HELD CAPTIVE IN THE DARKNESS

I HAD TO TEACH MYSELF TO WALK AGAIN





SO PLEASE...









IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO CATCH ME...









PLEASE DON'T LET ME FALL....

ONE WISH

I haven't written anything (at all!) in a while. Zilch! Nada! Kaput! Don't know what gives. I'm more into reading than writing these days. Probably because when I write I'd just rant about something and it's really not my cup of tea. So now, I found a new pastime...I resorted to editing - revising materials I've previously written haphazardly. So here goes one of them...

*******************************************************

I wish to go back to the age of innocence…

...where dreams abound and desires were pure...

...where guilt lurked in the shadows
and I was pure…

I wish to cloak my tainted mind with the shroud of incorruptibility…

…to soften my hardened heart and unmask my jaded doppelganger on the prowl

…to remember what I was then, to reveal who I'd become

and to see myself for who I am now (to reclaim my very soul)…

I wish I could turn back time
…when I knew no betrayal
…when I felt no shame
…when I harbored no envy
…when I wasn’t cursed by pain.

I wish I could see through the eyes of a child…

where there lie and where I could see...

...exquisite beauty
...un-compromised affability

...loving kindness
...unsolicited gentleness

...honesty & benevolence

...glorious innocence
and in all simplicity... MAGNIFICENCE.
I wish I could…

-30-

I got this from a friend's post in multiply ~(thankies Jan)~. Some interesting thoughts to ponder... had me question & re-rethink my past and RE-EVALUATE my point of view on relationships...hahaha. Oh well, happy reading! I'll leave it to u to decide...

*********

Source
1. Simple Infatuation: is often called a "crush" or "puppy love." It commonly strikes those in the early teens or younger. Usually the object of infatuation is some highly idealized person who is some years older - a teacher, an uncle or aunt, a friend of the family, an actor or an actress. Simple infatuation seldom lasts long. But infatuated people may be greatly moved with emotion. They spend much time in daydreams and wishful fantasies.

2. Romantic Infatuation: is often called "romantic love" or simply "love." It is a mix of sex and emotion - not genuine love at all. It will not of itself support a marriage. It also leads o idealizing the person, having a much stronger sex interest in each other, and justifying a premature marriage. Romantic infatuation is therefore very dangerous because people will easily fool themselves to act out their intense feelings and sex urges. Romantic infatuation is "false love," but it may develop into real love, but it will take a lot of time.

3. Sex Interest: is a deep biological drive that seeks some erotic expression. It is possible for people to enjoy sex with someone, yet have absolutely no other interest in them except sensual satisfaction.

4. Real Love: exists when your strong tender feelings for the other are balanced by reason and deep respect. You care just as much for the other person's welfare and fulfillment as you do for your own. Judgements about the person are quite objective and rational. The two of you have many values and ideas in common. You share similar goals and ideals. All these factors will probably be able to support and sustain a happy relationship over a long period of time. If you're infatuated , your emotions will be in charge. In real love, your reason is ruling your emotions. However, REAL LOVE and ROMANTIC INFATUATION are easily confusing people because they have one thing in common - strong feelings of attachment to the other person. Moreover, people in real love have some degree of infatuation and infatuated people have some degree of real love.


FACTS ABOUT LOVE AND INFATUATION

1 . Many divorces and unhappy marriages have roots of infatuation and sex interest only.
2. Most youth are not sure what real love is.
3. Age and maturity give no immunity of infatuation.
4. Teen marriages have twice the risk that they will end in divorces.
5 . Living together and have sex before marriage have tougher times to adjust after marriage.
6. One-sided loves won't work.
7. The following people are far more likely to have good marriage:
o Your parents are happy in their marriage
o You had a happy childhood
o There was a lack of conflict with mother
o There was a lack of conflict with father
o Home discipline was firm but not harsh
o You had a strong attachment to your mother
o You had a strong attachment to your father
o Your parents were frank with you about sex
o Your childhood punishment was infrequent and mild
o You have an expectant, positi ve attitude toward sex that is free from disgust or distaste.

Even if all of these factors are negative, you can still build a good marriage. But you will have
to work harder and be more careful in your mate choice.

8. Good Marriages need to have these five types of love:
o Strong sex interest: strong erotic feelings for each other
o Respect and admiration: hold each other in high regard
o Friendship and fellowship: have many things in common
o Self-giving devotion: love in spite of each other's faults
o Affection: a shoulder to cry on when our burdens are too heavy to bear alone.

THE FOURTEEN CLUES OF LOVE
Warnings about these clues:
1. The order is not important.
2. No clue can stand alone. All of them are important. Failing one or more does not mean you have to break up with your partner right away. It just means that you two are not ready for marriage and need more time to work them out.
3. One-sided loves won't work.


CLUE 1. What is the major attraction?

Infatuation: your main interest is likely to be the person's physical equipment. The main stress is on things you can perceive right away - what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. A marriage based only on sex attraction will last no more than three to five years.

Real Love: your interest is in his or her total personality. Before marriage, ask yourself: "What's she going to look like in 30 years?" It is a sign of real love if the answer is, "She will still look beautiful because of her wonderful personality."

CLUE 2. How many factors attract?

Infatuation: the number of factors that attract you are relatively few. Just the smile? Just the pretty face? Just the lovely hair? Just the funny jokes?

Real Love: many or most qualities of the person - and the relationship - attract you. You like not only the way the person looks and talks, but the way he or she thinks and feels about things and other people.

Do you like the person's reactions to personal success? To failure? To tough challenges? To faults in his or herself, and in you or others? What about use of leisure time? And what about thoughtfulness, kindness, courage , temper, and temperament? Does the person have healthy and balanced attitude s toward money, sex, school, family, and friends? Toward the past and the future? What about bad habits?

Ask yourself two important questions:
1) How many of the countless characteristics of this person do I know enough about?
2) How many of those things do I find attractive?

It takes time and effort to know a person extremely well. Only then can you judge your reaction to the many, many facets of that person's nature. If many or most of those factors attract you, this tends to indicate real love. When the excitement and romance wear off in a marriage, you need lots of other interests in common to hold you together over the long pull. You need to like each other as well as love each other. It does not matter much that you like the same kind of pizzas and movies. It matters very much whether you agree on life- style and whether you want to have children, makes lots of money, or have two separate careers.

Two persons who are psychological opposites may attract and have a good marriage. Social opposites almost never do. It is alright for a dominant person to have a submissive mate. However, the greater the social difference s, e.g. a very rich and a very poor, the greater the dangers.
The more you two agree on these issues, the better your chances for success in marriage:

ROOTS: How similar are you as to: Social Class? Racial, national, and ethnic roots? City vs. country backgrounds? Religions?

VALUES : What is very important to you: Religion? Money? Social position and acceptance? Prestige? Sex before/after marr iage? Who decides?

CHILDREN: Do you like them? Want them? How many? What about birth control? If so, what kind? Who is responsible for it?

MONEY: How much is enough? Who will make it? Save it? For what? Spend it? On what? Who'll budget, pay bills, do the shopping? (More married couples fight about money than any other thing.)

SEX ROLES: Who'll make decisions? Will both work? Will you share home chores? If babies come, will the wife work outside the home?

WHERE AND HOW TO LIVE: Region? Rural or urban? Fancy or modest?

MAIN INTERESTS: Hobbies? Vocation plans? Education? Recreation likes and dislikes?

INVESTMENT IN YOUR FUTURE: What do you plan to do about war, pollution, poverty, and so on?

CONCEPTS OF MARRIAGE: Permanent? Trust and fidelity? Companionship?

MAJOR GOALS AND HOPES FOR THE FUTURE: What do you want out of life? How will you get there from here? Who can help?

COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Can the two of you work out differences? Can you talk over problems with honesty? Can you solve disputes without hurting each other? Do either of you get mad or get grumpy when things don't go your way? Do you feel free to share your true feelings, or do you hold back out of fear or lack of trust and
confidence? You'd best find out before you marry.


CLUE 3. How did it start?

Infatuation: tends to start fast. There is no such thing as love at first sight. A human personality is much too complex to permit that kind of instant insight. Your senses show you only the superficial, the shallow shell. Real love requires that you know and like the other person's whole self, and it takes time.

Real Love: starts slowly. Studies have shown that the longer the period of courtship and engagement, the better the chances for success in a marriage. There is no substitute for passing the test of time. A year is better than six months. Three years are better than two, five better than four. The quality of the time spent with each other is as important as the quantity. Understand that people can be great actors. We all tend to play games with one another, to appear to be what we are not. A couple might date for a long period, yet have only a shallow knowledge of each other. You need to find out what the person is like way down deep inside, beneath the display- window mask.

Caution to older people: People at late 20s are tempted to marry in haste.
Caution to young people: You are more likely to be infatuated than genuinely in love.

CLUE 4. How consistent is your level of interest?

Infatuation: a couple's interest in each other fluctuates a lot. One day you feel sure this is the right person for marriage. Then you develop doubts and wonder if the two of you should date others for a while, to test your feelings more. The reason is you are attracted to only a few things about the other person - probably physical and surface traits. Your interest in each other grew rather fast. The roots of such a Relationship are too thin to nourish it for long. Sex may also be the reason for lack of consistent interest. If a couple becomes involved in pleasurable sex behavior, their interest in each other may vary accordingly to the strength of their sex urge at any given time.

Real Love: the relationship tends to even out and interest in each other is consistent. If you don't reach the peaks of excitement so prevalent in infatuation, neither do you plunge to the depths. As time goes on, you come to count on your love. You know it will be there when you need it. That is not to say that in real love there is no Problems to solve, especially in the early stages of your courtship. Problems of adjustment cannot be avoided. But the longer you know each other, the easier it is to cope when you have real love. The best way to predict the future is to study closely the evidence from the past and the experience of the present. If you had a good relationship all last week, and the week before that, and the month before that, then you are more likely to have it next week, next month, and the year after that.

CLUE 5. How does it affect your personality?

Infatuation: causes a disorganizing and destructive effect on your personality. Infatuation makes you less effective, less efficient, less your real self. Infatuation is irresponsible and fails to consider the future consequenc es of today's actions. In such a condition, you might well lose your head and do things you wouldn't otherwise think of doing. You may even foul up your whole life.

One-sided love or infatuation and the PRINCIPLE OF LEAST INTEREST:

In a one-sided romance, the partner who has the least interest in continuing the affair is able to control the other person. That's because the one who is more involved has more at stake. No one should use another human being for selfish purposes, but people often do. E.g. a girl who doesn't care much for a boy may keep him just to build up her ego to have someone care so much for her. Or for a convenience that she can always count on him for a date if nobody else asks her. She knows he'll put up with shabby treatment because he's so emotionally involved. Or the boy may demand more sexual favors than his girlfriend wants to give.

Real Love: has an organizing and a constructive effect on your personality. It brings out the best in you. There is an intense and satisfying feeling of greater self-realization and expression, as well as a feeling of having one's own personality reinforced and strengthened and enriched. Love gives you new energy and ambition,and more interest in life. It is creative, brings an eagerness to grow, to improve, to work for worthy purposes and ideals. Love is associated with feelings of self-confidence, trust and security. Love lifted you to new levels of maturity and responsible action. When you love a person you make an effort to be more deserving of the beloved. You want your beloved to be proud of you, so you try harder. Life has more purpose. You make plans and save for the future. Life takes on new meaning, more sparkle.

What if you have loved and lost?
You may have had a real love relationship that did not result in marriage. Perhaps one or both of you did not recognize at the time that it was real love. Or some tragedy may have robbed you of your beloved. In spite of the pain of loss, you still are likely to be a better person for having had love. You can better understand yourse lf and be better prepared for finding success in your future relationships. You will be more mature. You grew through your love experience, and that growth will not all wither away. Whatever happened, real love will have an organizing and constructive effect on your personality.


CLUE 6. How and when does it end?

Infatuation: it stops the same way it starts - fast. The few things you do like about the other person - even those strongly held at first - begin to wear thin. All those other things you don't have in common begin more and more to rear their ugly heads. You begin to quarrels, conflicts, even fights, and then doubts about your "love." Soon you break up, UNLESS you and your partner become involved in mutually satisfying sexual relations. Then sex will frustrate the usual test of time. A good sexual relationship may hold a couple together as long as three to five years. But that's about it. Sex alone will not keep a couple together longer than that. MAKING UP THE TEST OF TIME if you are already involved in satisfying sex relations by stop doing it.

Real Love: it stops slowly. It will take long time to end a relationship and it will take long time to get over it. Love involves meshing many, many facets of two personalities. You grow together and become a unit. The person becomes a basic part of you, of your own personality. If a break comes, you are just not going to be the same. In fact, you may never quite get over it for as long as you live. That does not mean that you cannot love again. Social scientists are certain that there are a number of persons in this world with whom each of us normally can have a genuine, deep-seated love that will last.


CLU E 7. How do you see each other?

Infatuation: you live in a two- persons world. You two tend to neglect your family and pay little or no attention to your other friends. You turn a deaf ear to your teachers or your boss. You fail to do your homework. You lose interest in things that used to excite you. It becomes not only the most important thing in your world, but the only thing that really matters to you. Your relationship tend s to be exclusive. Your other friends feel left out, neglected, or ignored. Since this "romantic love" (infatuation) is of such central concern to you, nothing must be allowed to stand in its way. You think you are justified in giving up anything in favor of this amazing event that has happened so unexpectedly.

Infatuation is a vaccine that immunizes you against seeing anything wrong with the other person. You tend to idealized your partner. No one can tell you anything wrong about the object of your affections. At best, you won't believe it. At worst, you may turn against the accuser in anger and rejection. If you are infatuated, you defend the other person against all critics. You just will not admit that he or she has any faults. You idealize not only each other, but also your situation. You two may have gross problems and obstacles to cope with - different religions, hopes, values, family, and cultural backgrounds. Danger signals by the dozen! Yet you are not concerned. You don't even feel the need to think about these enormous hazards before marriage. You think that somehow it all just has to come out OK.

What makes us idealize so much? For one thing, we tend to be on our best behavior while courting. We show only our best side. Another reason is the ""halo effect," or the tendency to judge the whole personality largely in terms of one or two highly admired qualities. One great trait or two can fool us into thinking that the whole person is great as well. And sex gets into the act, too. One study showed that male subjects who were sexually aroused rated the pictures of the same girls to be much more attractive than did the same males when they were not aroused. So in infatuation, you'll tend to see what you want to see in the other person, rather than what is really there. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, INFATUATION IS.

IF IT'S LOVE, YOU ADMIT THEIR FAULTS BUT LOVE THE PERSON IN SPITE OF THEM. You see the person's real merits and build on that. A mutual process is set in motion. Your love leads you to appreciate the best in the other. In turn, as the other person learns of your love, it brings out the best in her or him. You are frank to admit that the other person is not perfect. But you see so much to be admired and respected that you can live with those faults.

Real Love: as with infatuation, in real love the beloved may well be the most important person in the world to you. But there's the big difference. In real love, you expand your world to include the beloved. If you really love each other, you don't abandon or neglect your other relationships. In stead, you just add this wonderful new relationship to all the others you have. It becomes a plus, not a replacement. You still maintain good ties with your family, your friends, your teachers. You retain your interest in your work or studies - assuming that you had such an interest in the first place. Things that you liked to do before, you still like to do. Your world grows larger, not narrower.


IS LOVE BLIND?

No, but infatuation is. Infatuation, like other extreme emotions such as anger, hate, and fear, distorts thinking. Only the passing of time will bring about gradual return to reality. When the ideal bubble bursts - and burst it will - pain and disillusionment sets
in.

A gain, it pays to be honest. Much of the pain and tragedy of romantic infatuation could be avoided if the couple would level with themselves and with each other. Instead, they hide their faults and misled the other into thinking they are something they are not.

For this they pay an awful price. Perhaps the most important reason for self-disclosure is that without it we cannot truly love. How can I love a person I don't know? How can the other person love me if he doesn't know me? The answer:
HONESTY IS A MUST.

We should behave like small children and "act our real selves." Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said one must become as a little child to enter the kingdom of God.

Time is the infatuated person's best friend. It is both the great revealer and the great healer. When your heart has been broken, time will heal the hurt.

Time also is the best antidote for the deadly poison of idealization. As interaction incre ases, knowledge converts the dream image into awareness of the real partner. Awareness punctures the dream bubble and brings the relationship down to earth. Time can shield you from plunging into an unsound marriage on the strength of a mere infatuation. Love that is time tested is the real thing.