(Clockwise from top: Epz, No, Yaj, Chie, Mama, Len)
My little sister, our beloved bunso, posted this collage as her Friendster primary pic. It caught my attention and my initial reaction was why she didn't include our dad. Then I proceeded to read her shout out: "happy birthday mama (2/11/1962)., :) we LOVE her and MISS her as well., adi mga kapatid? aus ba? haha.," and it hit me, 11 Feb 2009, that's tomorrow!!! No! Of course I hadn't forgotten. How could I?
Natuwa lang ako at the same time nalungkot. It was a very touching gesture by my little sister who was just a year old when our mom passed away in the summer of 2001. I was 9 then. My brothers were 7, 5 & 3. Amongst the 5 of us, Len was the least to know our mom. She doesn't have anything AT ALL to remember Mama by. She doesn't have even the faintest memories of how caring, how loving, how nurturing mama was. And it breaks my heart.
Mama died due to multiple sclerosis (an incurable degenerative disease even to this day). All I could remember during the last 2 years of her life was that she was in and out of the hospital every few weeks. Sometimes lasting for months. I didn't even know what they were doing to her. Big words constantly fill the conversations of the adults like chemotherapy, radiation, and MRI. When I asked my mom what's wrong with her, she'd just say nothing and assure me that she'll be coming home soon. And she usually does. She'd be home for a month or so. Going back to her usual routine of teaching high school math, taking care of us, doing my projects, helping me on my assignments, making sure that I remain on the top spot of my class, putting up with my dad, etc. And it would be normal for us again. I felt assured that the doctors were doing what they were supposed to be doing - curing my mom.
You see, my faith in the white-coat donning modern day superheroes (aka doctors) was implicit, a sort of hero worship if you will. Because they're smarties who SAVE lives. And I liked to pretend they have all the answers to explain every possible anomaly of the human body, that they learned all these answers in a very popular med school course called "THE ANSWERS!" Sadly, this is not the case. There is no such course. They learn to use good judgment to get close to the answers... and then they guess. And sometimes they're right. And sometimes they're wrong. And sometimes it's too close to call... in our mom's case it was way too late when they realized what WAS wrong... 15years too late!
So when Len bravely asked "THE" question, 2 years ago during one of my vacations, I was dumbfounded. We were all gathered in Mamalol's place (except for No who was in PMA) for lunch. She simply asked: "How did Mama die? What was she like? Mabait ba sya?" It was the first time in years that anyone of us breached that topic. And the question was so innocent and so full of meaning at the same time...i couldn't help but cry. Then the stories came pouring. My younger brothers even shared theirs. Some said things that I already forgot and it was refreshing to remember Mama that way. Not when she was already bed-ridden but when she was still healthy, thriving, and so full of life!
Our dearest Mama Nene (as we lovingly called her) was (like me) the eldest in her brood of 4. She had me when she was about to graduate in college. Like many others during their time, she and my dad "romantically" eloped upon knowing that they'll be having me in a few months(I was a December baby. Go figure!). Nevertheless, that bulging belly and all) never stopped her from garnering that much-deserved Latin honors. She graduated Cum Laude. And as our dear aunt lovingly recalled the age-old story, Mama could have become the Magna Cum Laude had it not been for me (kasalanan ko naman pala!hehe). Afterwards, she became a high school Math teacher. And a pretty
good one at that. As far as I could remember, she became the youngest Department Head in the whole school at 22! She was constantly away for trainings and seminars as she was being groomed to heading a division or something. She was a real achiever, no doubt, and she could have gone to become a somebody in the world of education had she lived long enough.
So, can you imagine how my childhood was? Well, with 2 Math teachers for parents, we have a very strict study schedule to follow. No TV was allowed after dinnertime. Cruel, I know! Every night save for weekends, we had to take our books, notebooks and pencils out, ready for the ensuing tutoring session with our mom. And she doesn't stop with the assignments either, she always preps us up for the next lessons as well. Get this, in second grade, while my classmates were busy solving problems about apples and oranges, I already know how to solve the x & y's of basic algebra!!!! We had encyclopedias and scientific calculators for toys; chess and Da-math constitute our "playtime"; and all the books we could consume sporadically strewn around the house. Dolls and toy cars were practically non-existent! She'd make sure that all my projects gets done and all I had to do was submit them. Our mom was the absolute best! But all her hard work was not in vain, the top spot in class was always ready for our taking! So when she passed on, I unconsciously took over this particular responsibility with my siblings. And they would often complain that I'm much grouchier not to mention horribly impatient than our mom ever was. (What d'ya expect from a 10-year old?duh!)
During the 9 short years that i had with Mama, I never saw her cry, breakdown, freak-out or lose control. Even when Papa and she had a fight. Actually, I never saw them fight. Not even once ( interesting thought…hmmm). Life was hard for us - imagine raising 5 kids with the salary of a high school teacher. But she was always on top of things and she always manages to make ends meet. Even when she had nothing at all, she had everything to give. She endured the hardships of being a young mom without sacrificing her dreams. Her uncanny ability to withstand any problem that comes her way - juggling family and her career - was truly inspirational! She's very resilient not to mention competitive. Her appetite for knowledge and her strong will purpose can surpass that of anyone I knew. I was just thinking, at my age of 26, Mama already had a flourishing career with a Master's degree to boot, and 3 kids to sustain! Who does that?!? I can't even imagine myself having kids yet, and she
already had 3! I realized, I'd never be like her - even if I wish to…no matter how tried. I'll never measure up.
These last few words immortalized in one of her journals that my brother and I unearthed when she was gone had remained in our hearts to live by: "Dream, Desire, Dare & DO"! Somehow, it served like a "huling-habilin" for us: Dream big. Desire for it. Dare yourself. & Just DO it! Wise counsel, indeed.
Mama was a dainty little lady who has a big heart, a pure soul, a sharp mind and a loving spirit. She was, is and forever will be our very own supermom!
Happy birthday, Mama!
WE LOVE YOU! Somehow, someday, we will make you proud.
We remember,
Maria Richelle "Chie" A. Abitria (1982)
Roger "No" A. Abitria Jr. (1984)
Roger "JJ" A. Abitria III (1986)
Roger "JP" A. Abitria IV (1988))
Lynne Richelle "Len" A. Abitria (2000)
