Dahil Summer Na...Wear Sunscreen!

I first came across this poem - Wear Sunscreen by Mary Schmich - way back in high school when we were assigned to look for a literary piece to memorize and eventually deliver to the whole class. I remember thinking that there were a lot of things mentioned in the poem that didn't quite make sense to me, like when the poet compared "worrying" to "solving an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum". (huh? wut da!?!?) And even the opening line left me feeling daft: "If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it". I imagined myself lying on my death bed, surrounded by my loved ones and telling them that the most important advice I could leave them with was "to wear sunscreen". (O db? Ang weirdanx lang. LOL). Back then I thought, I was probably biting more than I could chew so I moved on to read another poem. Besides, I told myself, the poem was such a bore – IT DIDN'T RHYME!



Fast-forward to 2007, in my lowest of low a dear friend – itago natin sya sa pangalang boatmate – forwarded to me a youtube link of a song by Baz Luhrman. I was having a pretty bad day, no scratch that, month…and the song was meant to cheer me up. We were both having a hard time dealing with our "transition period" and thus, subjected ourselves to this penultimate quest of trying to "find" ourselves. Kaya yun, in order to avoid partial autism, we ended up indulging our NERDY NEEDS --- constant blogging, swapping hard-to-find ebooks, endorsing piracy ( no wonder Multiply banned mp3 downloads), proving (yeap, you heard me right, as in logic and proof with all the If, Then & Therefore) ridiculous statements such as "1=2" or "your age by eating out"!!! Talk about getting over a slump. Going back, when the song was first mentioned to me I found it a bit queer. I mean, if you're trying to top the Billboard charts would you name your single Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)? I didn't realize that it was the exact same poem-like essay that I read not too long ago until I got to the lyrics. Kanta na sya ngayon! Odb? Asensado. And that's when it hit me. The author wasn't demented after all. She was speaking life-changing truths. Harsh realities based on actual experiences. The wisdom behind the seemingly inconsequential words was very profound that only the Elect, honed and sculpted by Time, can truly understand. Only when you have seen the worst and survived the worst, can you say "Wear sunscreen" and mean it. (Note to Boatmate: If you're reading this, thank you for everything. The boat I was in [then] would have toppled over or I would have been consumed by the crashing waves, if it hadn't been for you. The journey became bearable knowing that I wasn't alone. I miss your kind words and your wise counsel. I miss the friendship. But wherever life leads us, the sense of belongingness is here to stay. Stay happy!)



Oh and about that literary piece assignment, I ended up reciting Anabelle Lee!!!! nyahaha...In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me… by Edgar Allan Poe. Feeling ko kasi it was a story of undying love and of happily-ever-afters, only to find out in the end that it was such a morbid tale…Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.



So here it is, free sunscreen for everyone!



Happy reading!





****************



Wear sunscreen.



If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.



Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.



Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.



Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.



Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.



Floss.



Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.



Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed indoing this, tell me how.



Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.



Stretch.



Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.



Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.



Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.



Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.



Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.



Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.



Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.



Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.



Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.



Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes yousoft. Travel.



Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.



Respect your elders.



Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out..



Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.



Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.



But trust me on the sunscreen..

"Dream, Desire, Dare & Do" - Lourdes Azupardo-Abitria (1962-1992)

(Clockwise from top: Epz, No, Yaj, Chie, Mama, Len)



My little sister, our beloved bunso, posted this collage as her Friendster primary pic. It caught my attention and my initial reaction was why she didn't include our dad. Then I proceeded to read her shout out: "happy birthday mama (2/11/1962)., :) we LOVE her and MISS her as well., adi mga kapatid? aus ba? haha.," and it hit me, 11 Feb 2009, that's tomorrow!!! No! Of course I hadn't forgotten. How could I?



Natuwa lang ako at the same time nalungkot. It was a very touching gesture by my little sister who was just a year old when our mom passed away in the summer of 2001. I was 9 then. My brothers were 7, 5 & 3. Amongst the 5 of us, Len was the least to know our mom. She doesn't have anything AT ALL to remember Mama by. She doesn't have even the faintest memories of how caring, how loving, how nurturing mama was. And it breaks my heart.



Mama died due to multiple sclerosis (an incurable degenerative disease even to this day). All I could remember during the last 2 years of her life was that she was in and out of the hospital every few weeks. Sometimes lasting for months. I didn't even know what they were doing to her. Big words constantly fill the conversations of the adults like chemotherapy, radiation, and MRI. When I asked my mom what's wrong with her, she'd just say nothing and assure me that she'll be coming home soon. And she usually does. She'd be home for a month or so. Going back to her usual routine of teaching high school math, taking care of us, doing my projects, helping me on my assignments, making sure that I remain on the top spot of my class, putting up with my dad, etc. And it would be normal for us again. I felt assured that the doctors were doing what they were supposed to be doing - curing my mom.



You see, my faith in the white-coat donning modern day superheroes (aka doctors) was implicit, a sort of hero worship if you will. Because they're smarties who SAVE lives. And I liked to pretend they have all the answers to explain every possible anomaly of the human body, that they learned all these answers in a very popular med school course called "THE ANSWERS!" Sadly, this is not the case. There is no such course. They learn to use good judgment to get close to the answers... and then they guess. And sometimes they're right. And sometimes they're wrong. And sometimes it's too close to call... in our mom's case it was way too late when they realized what WAS wrong... 15years too late!



So when Len bravely asked "THE" question, 2 years ago during one of my vacations, I was dumbfounded. We were all gathered in Mamalol's place (except for No who was in PMA) for lunch. She simply asked: "How did Mama die? What was she like? Mabait ba sya?" It was the first time in years that anyone of us breached that topic. And the question was so innocent and so full of meaning at the same time...i couldn't help but cry. Then the stories came pouring. My younger brothers even shared theirs. Some said things that I already forgot and it was refreshing to remember Mama that way. Not when she was already bed-ridden but when she was still healthy, thriving, and so full of life!



Our dearest Mama Nene (as we lovingly called her) was (like me) the eldest in her brood of 4. She had me when she was about to graduate in college. Like many others during their time, she and my dad "romantically" eloped upon knowing that they'll be having me in a few months(I was a December baby. Go figure!). Nevertheless, that bulging belly and all) never stopped her from garnering that much-deserved Latin honors. She graduated Cum Laude. And as our dear aunt lovingly recalled the age-old story, Mama could have become the Magna Cum Laude had it not been for me (kasalanan ko naman pala!hehe). Afterwards, she became a high school Math teacher. And a pretty
good one at that. As far as I could remember, she became the youngest Department Head in the whole school at 22! She was constantly away for trainings and seminars as she was being groomed to heading a division or something. She was a real achiever, no doubt, and she could have gone to become a somebody in the world of education had she lived long enough.



So, can you imagine how my childhood was? Well, with 2 Math teachers for parents, we have a very strict study schedule to follow. No TV was allowed after dinnertime. Cruel, I know! Every night save for weekends, we had to take our books, notebooks and pencils out, ready for the ensuing tutoring session with our mom. And she doesn't stop with the assignments either, she always preps us up for the next lessons as well. Get this, in second grade, while my classmates were busy solving problems about apples and oranges, I already know how to solve the x & y's of basic algebra!!!! We had encyclopedias and scientific calculators for toys; chess and Da-math constitute our "playtime"; and all the books we could consume sporadically strewn around the house. Dolls and toy cars were practically non-existent! She'd make sure that all my projects gets done and all I had to do was submit them. Our mom was the absolute best! But all her hard work was not in vain, the top spot in class was always ready for our taking! So when she passed on, I unconsciously took over this particular responsibility with my siblings. And they would often complain that I'm much grouchier not to mention horribly impatient than our mom ever was. (What d'ya expect from a 10-year old?duh!)



During the 9 short years that i had with Mama, I never saw her cry, breakdown, freak-out or lose control. Even when Papa and she had a fight. Actually, I never saw them fight. Not even once ( interesting thought…hmmm). Life was hard for us - imagine raising 5 kids with the salary of a high school teacher. But she was always on top of things and she always manages to make ends meet. Even when she had nothing at all, she had everything to give. She endured the hardships of being a young mom without sacrificing her dreams. Her uncanny ability to withstand any problem that comes her way - juggling family and her career - was truly inspirational! She's very resilient not to mention competitive. Her appetite for knowledge and her strong will purpose can surpass that of anyone I knew. I was just thinking, at my age of 26, Mama already had a flourishing career with a Master's degree to boot, and 3 kids to sustain! Who does that?!? I can't even imagine myself having kids yet, and she
already had 3! I realized, I'd never be like her - even if I wish to…no matter how tried. I'll never measure up.



These last few words immortalized in one of her journals that my brother and I unearthed when she was gone had remained in our hearts to live by: "Dream, Desire, Dare & DO"! Somehow, it served like a "huling-habilin" for us: Dream big. Desire for it. Dare yourself. & Just DO it! Wise counsel, indeed.



Mama was a dainty little lady who has a big heart, a pure soul, a sharp mind and a loving spirit. She was, is and forever will be our very own supermom!




Happy birthday, Mama!




WE LOVE YOU! Somehow, someday, we will make you proud.





We remember,

Maria Richelle "Chie" A. Abitria (1982)

Roger "No" A. Abitria Jr. (1984)

Roger "JJ" A. Abitria III (1986)

Roger "JP" A. Abitria IV (1988))

Lynne Richelle "Len" A. Abitria (2000)

LOVE vs ADDICTION

Addiction. Who doesn’t love a good addiction? You try something. You like it. You try it again. You build a little ritual around it, make it a special part of your day. You tell time by it. “Must be noon, cause I’m jonesing for another cup of my special English tea!” or “I know it’s morning cause I’m awake and ready for a hit of crystal meth!”

DON’T DO METH, KIDS.

Scenario #1: The recently broken-up couple

See, here’s the thing: anything can be addictive. And it’s not always easy to spot when something slips down that slippery slope from experiment to habit to addiction. Derek and Meredith thought they’d ended it. Cold turkey. White knuckle. Over. So over. Well, it wasn’t totally over. There was a bit of a hang-over. A little no-strings-attached sex. Just for old times sake. No harm, no foul. But the thing is, there is harm. Derek doesn’t like it. He wants to talk. He wants to sleep over. He wants lunch, with the woman he loved, or loves, or has some impossible to define love related interaction with. He’s settling for just the sex, cause that’s all she’s willing to indulge. But that’s only hurting him. It’s just enough of the drug to keep him hooked. Never enough to satisfy him, only enough to make him want more. And he knows. He knows he’s got a problem, but he can’t walk away.

Love. It’s like crystal meth.

DON’T DO METH.

Scenario #2: The impending breakup

Even Callie’s strung out. Callie, who always seemed stronger than the rest of them. More together. Less at the mercy of her emotions. Sure, George’s on-again, off-again interest, his loosey goosey commitment made her kind of nuts, but she always seemed like she was handling it. Now she’s walking around the hospital like a crazy person. Falling down on the job, which she NEVER does. Unable to concentrate on anything other than the sneaking suspicion that her husband’s having an affair. She knows it, in her heart she can’t deny it. But she can’t face it either. She’s in a marriage that’s destroying her, and her husband’s about to come clean and maybe put them both out of their misery, but she can’t let him do it. She can’t let him say it. She’d rather be a strung out junkie than deal with the pain of withdrawal.

That’s a pretty serious drug.

BUT NOT AS SERIOUS AS CRYSTAL METH, WHICH YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T DO.

So don’t get into relationships with people who can’t handle them. Don’t you just want to shake Derek and Callie? Don’t you want to shake them and say, “These people keep telling you they can’t give you what you want – believe them!” But shaking them wouldn’t help. Because they’re addicted. They can’t walk away even when they want to.

Sad, isn’t it? -30-

The Untold Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the not-so-distant past, there lived a young, naïve girl without a care in the world. Armed with nothing but a pinch of hope and an ounce of self-esteem, she bravely entered the kingdom of UPLB. This was a realm where freedom reigned supreme. Liberalism, autonomy and non-conformity is encouraged whilst conventionality, compromised submission and orthodoxy is blatantly dissuaded. The people are pushed to speak up their minds and fight for their rights (if need be). So, on she persevered to prove herself worthy of the title bestowed upon her by the sovereign people of the democracy. She indeed became a bonafide Iska making her way up to earn the much-coveted BS Chemical Engineering diploma to bring home to her doting father back in the outskirts of Bicolandia.

But alas! Unsuspectingly, fate intervened. God has other plans for her. Certain circumstances in her life then, dictated that she give up her senior year for "sustenance"; and forced her to succumb to her socio-economic duties. Her family needed her. Refusing to play the damsel-in-distress parody (eagerly awaiting for her Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet); she stubbornly took the helm, wore the knight-in-shining-armor insignia, and came to their rescue.

But even before her world turned upside down, she innocently gave her heart away to her very first love...a passion that has driven her through the 5 excruciating years of mathematical formulas and chemical experiments... a dip into a surreal world that stripped away all her inhibitions and unraveled layers and layers of masked pretenses. An unfathomable, overwhelming love that drew her to the brink of self-destruction…consuming her very soul. The art. The love. The fervor for DANCE.

Dancing has set her free. Unwanted thoughts eluded her when confined in her element. It gives her the feeling of limitless possibilities. On stage…basking in the glory of a well-performed, adrenaline-induced, artistic repertoire…she had soared. She had flown. She had lived. Or so she thought…

This passion, though, has proven to be agonizingly futile. Dancing, as a profession was…well… frowned upon. It was considered to be among the lowly ranks of being a jester or the clown in the royal courts. Thus, throwing her into the arms of a monotonously white-collared but financially well-off second love...her job. Her career drove her to new heights she never imagined. It delivered as promised… It placed food on the table, didn’t it? ‘Twas her family’s saving grace. And she was able to procure assets she could only dream of. Investment after investment she ventured on. Piece by piece, parcel by parcel, possession by possession… on and on, she went through the process of acquisition. She labored for years on end, thinking that this would be enough. She soared. She flew. She lived. Or so she thought…

In the end, gratifying her self-absorbed delusions of grandeur wasn’t, isn’t and will never be the answer she was desperately looking for. She was only fooling herself into thinking that financial security and stability can fill the void in her life. Just as dance wasn’t able to define her as person, she found out not a little too soon, that her career wasn’t “ALL THAT” as well.

And like any other respected lady in the House of Singlehood, she wasn’t spared from heartaches and heartbreaks. Though donning the steel armor of faith, she had an Achilles’ heel as well. Her HEART proved to be her downfall. She had recklessly given bits and pieces of her heart to undeserving men-of-honor. Countless times, her heart soared. Flew. And lived. Or so she thought…

The enemy, being the devious thief in the night, was always ready to pounce on her especially when she puts her guard down. Lies, dishonesty, and deception were sugar-coated in promises of perpetual happiness, pledges of eternal commitment and thoughts of forever. But that’s just about it. Mere promises…empty… temporary…devoid of any lasting assurance.

In the years that ensued, being incorrigibly stubborn, she only served one “god”…her own sweet self. She engorged herself in things, activities, passions that served the glorious reign of her one great love. She was, in essence, a self-serving, self-edifying, self-centered, ego-maniacal, selfish brat. She was altogether lonely…altogether empty… altogether LOST.

Finally, that girl who dreamt but was dejected, who soared high but ungraciously fell down, who flew to unreachable heights but was taken down my circumstance, who lived unsparingly only to die again. That girl finally found salvation. She finally found the answer to her unending quest. An eternal promise that can never be broken. A love never-ending that has, is and will transcend time and space like no other love ever known to man. She finally found her happy-ever-after… in Jesus Christ her one true God, Lord, Savior and Redeemer!

Finally found. Finally saved. Finally contented and happy. That girl was ME.

From Glory to Glory I was changed.

From Glory to Glory I was renewed.

From Glory to Glory I now live.

To GOD be the Glory!

~THE END~

Note to self:

Well, the end is naught. DANCE is my first love. And first loves never die, or so goes the cliché.

IF I WERE MEREDITH GREY...

I LOVE Grey’s Anatomy (read: Shonda Rhimes is a sheer genius!). It’s one of my guilty pleasures. I adore the characters because I could often relate to them; obviously not the work stuff, but the problems they face, the friendship they formed and the personal struggles they all had to go through.

Everyone I know (including myself) are broken and damaged or dark and twisty. I am not proud of the mistakes I’ve done in the past, but it’s what made the person I’ve become. If I were to re-write my story, I wouldn’t change a thing (oh well, maybe a few erasures here and there. kidding). Because no matter how many times I fell, no matter how many times people broke my trust, no matter how bleak the future was then… the thing is, I survived. As long as you live through another day, it’s one more chance... one more opportunity to make things right or at least do the right thing. Why not make the most of it? Besides, we all carry our own baggage. We all have our ominous past that shadows our seemingly-perfect present. And even the best of us are after all still, broken and damaged or dark and twisty.

After learning my lessons well, I vowed to exercise extreme caution, prudence, patience, and utmost sensibility before making any life-changing decisions. I have to think it through a million times before making the jump. Especially on love and relationships. I’ve always believed in the beauty of a quintessential love affair where love, respect & loyalty is primary, commitment is necessary and communication is key. Call it a twisted reality, a futile fantasy, a childish delusion…call it whatever you like. But isn’t it the beauty of love… you fall when you least expect it… you drown when you think everything’s fine… then at the moment when you thought you’re done for, you’ll soar once again.

Thing is… you can’t expect the unexpected. So you’ll never be prepared when whatchamacallit comes knocking at your door. So what if, when you thought it was time to see who’s on the other side, you find – not one, but two prospective knights-in-shining-armor desperately fighting for your affection? What is a damsel-in-distress (na sobra haba ng hair) to do? If you were to choose between King Arthur and Sir Lancelot, who would you go for?

My solution: no one…JUST YET. I resorted to… … DATING (both of them. Hahaha.)! I'm bad? I know!!!! But it’s fun…tingles and everything… until the time that I HAVE to choose. Darn! Do I really have to?

Then another sign poking at my now-despondent conscience was staring in front of me while I was answering a survey earlier. One of the questions was:

16.) Ever dated two people at once? (Guess what my answer was? ;p)

I couldn’t help laughing at the seemingly-innocent, matter-of-fact way the question was thrown at me as if it were goading me to make a smart-ass answer. Hence, I remembered this scene from Grey’s Anatomy’s Sometimes a Fantasy:

MEREDITH: Enough! This is not dating. I want moonlight, and flowers, and candy, and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up. Nobody is even looking at me! I'm an intern. Do the two of you have any idea how much effort it takes to do all this? (She motions to her body.) I'm waxed, and plucked, and I have a clean top on. (Shouting) And the two of you are looking at each other.

DEREK: Meredith, it's...

MEREDITH: No! My fantasy is not two men looking at each other.

FINN: We didn't...

MEREDITH: No talking until one of you figures out how to put on a date! I want heat, I want romance, damn it I wanna feel like a freakin' lady!

So, who are my Derek and Finn? Intrigued? Sorry, but I won’t be divulging their top-secret identities here. So it shall remain that way…for now…this will have to suffice:

My Finn: I’ve known him for quite some time now. A dear friend who knows how to listen and when to give me advice. Someone whom I'm really comfortable with and most importantly, someone whom I can count on if I ever needed anything. Basically a good guy who dreams of a happy ending. His version of a happy-ever-after involves a loving wife and a couple kids to boot! An ideal family man…need I say more?

My Derek: Has a dark past…and waaaaay too much baggage to carry around (which he thoughtfully confessed right after he told me his intentions…how convenient db?) Most (if not all) of my friends says he’s bad news and that he’s not good for me (note: he pledged allegiance to a certain brotherhood of testosterone-pumping, ego-inflated men whose reputation can only be matched by their legendary notoriety. But behind the menacing facade, a sweet, loving and surprisingly warm creature resides. There’s never a dull moment with him. I don’t know how to say this…but I guess, we just clicked.

So, there goes my dilemma. When my Tita said that my Derek is bad for me and and that my Finn is a good thing, there’s some truth to it. Finn is a rescuer-guy. You know, rescuer-guys, right? They’re the ones who are determined to break through the scary/damaged barrier we dark and twisty girls put up. They’re the real thing, rescuer-guys are the guys you marry.

The guys you should marry. But then there are the Dereks of the world…

Let me say a little something about McDreamy men. They are scary and damaged themselves. They carry a little bit of tortured soul in them. But they mean well. And they’re honest. And they’re so, so, so darn tempting. Especially when they say “I just…I love you. I have loved you…forever.” How in the world are we supposed to say no to that? We should. We should send them packing. But…SERIOUSLY?

And so Meredith…errrr… I mean, I (Chie) am left with this choice. Between what my brain knows what I should do and what my heart wants to do. And while it seems obvious and easy, it’s absolutely not. Finn has plans. And Derek got issues. And there’s the choice to be healthy and mature and whole, and the choice to jump off the cliff. And no one jumps off a cliff without a parachute if they know what is good for them. Plus, it’s not like I don’t have feelings for Finn. I definitely have feelings for Finn. And I know Derek said that he really, really, genuinely likes me… but is it enough?

The confusion is confusing and the heartbreak that always feels imminent is scary -- so freaking scary the idea that you could make the wrong choice and lose the right man -- even the idea that you might make the right choice and lose the wrong man is upsetting when you really, really like them both.

That would give any girl pause. Major, major pause.

I am pausing.

I’ve hit the pause button.

But, ultimately, I like to take my finger off the pause button and see what happens next.

A Simple Request...

IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THERE, WHEN I TURN AROUND...
PLEASE DON'T FOLLOW



IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA RUN AWAY
PLEASE STOP THE CHASE....



...IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO CATCH ME...













PLEASE DON'T LET ME FALL...

UNWRITTEN LETTER#1

I'VE CRASHED AND BURNED A MILLION TIMES

I'VE BEEN BROKEN, I'VE BEEN MAIMED, I'VE BEEN HELD CAPTIVE IN THE DARKNESS

I HAD TO TEACH MYSELF TO WALK AGAIN





SO PLEASE...









IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO CATCH ME...









PLEASE DON'T LET ME FALL....

ONE WISH

I haven't written anything (at all!) in a while. Zilch! Nada! Kaput! Don't know what gives. I'm more into reading than writing these days. Probably because when I write I'd just rant about something and it's really not my cup of tea. So now, I found a new pastime...I resorted to editing - revising materials I've previously written haphazardly. So here goes one of them...

*******************************************************

I wish to go back to the age of innocence…

...where dreams abound and desires were pure...

...where guilt lurked in the shadows
and I was pure…

I wish to cloak my tainted mind with the shroud of incorruptibility…

…to soften my hardened heart and unmask my jaded doppelganger on the prowl

…to remember what I was then, to reveal who I'd become

and to see myself for who I am now (to reclaim my very soul)…

I wish I could turn back time
…when I knew no betrayal
…when I felt no shame
…when I harbored no envy
…when I wasn’t cursed by pain.

I wish I could see through the eyes of a child…

where there lie and where I could see...

...exquisite beauty
...un-compromised affability

...loving kindness
...unsolicited gentleness

...honesty & benevolence

...glorious innocence
and in all simplicity... MAGNIFICENCE.
I wish I could…

-30-

I got this from a friend's post in multiply ~(thankies Jan)~. Some interesting thoughts to ponder... had me question & re-rethink my past and RE-EVALUATE my point of view on relationships...hahaha. Oh well, happy reading! I'll leave it to u to decide...

*********

Source
1. Simple Infatuation: is often called a "crush" or "puppy love." It commonly strikes those in the early teens or younger. Usually the object of infatuation is some highly idealized person who is some years older - a teacher, an uncle or aunt, a friend of the family, an actor or an actress. Simple infatuation seldom lasts long. But infatuated people may be greatly moved with emotion. They spend much time in daydreams and wishful fantasies.

2. Romantic Infatuation: is often called "romantic love" or simply "love." It is a mix of sex and emotion - not genuine love at all. It will not of itself support a marriage. It also leads o idealizing the person, having a much stronger sex interest in each other, and justifying a premature marriage. Romantic infatuation is therefore very dangerous because people will easily fool themselves to act out their intense feelings and sex urges. Romantic infatuation is "false love," but it may develop into real love, but it will take a lot of time.

3. Sex Interest: is a deep biological drive that seeks some erotic expression. It is possible for people to enjoy sex with someone, yet have absolutely no other interest in them except sensual satisfaction.

4. Real Love: exists when your strong tender feelings for the other are balanced by reason and deep respect. You care just as much for the other person's welfare and fulfillment as you do for your own. Judgements about the person are quite objective and rational. The two of you have many values and ideas in common. You share similar goals and ideals. All these factors will probably be able to support and sustain a happy relationship over a long period of time. If you're infatuated , your emotions will be in charge. In real love, your reason is ruling your emotions. However, REAL LOVE and ROMANTIC INFATUATION are easily confusing people because they have one thing in common - strong feelings of attachment to the other person. Moreover, people in real love have some degree of infatuation and infatuated people have some degree of real love.


FACTS ABOUT LOVE AND INFATUATION

1 . Many divorces and unhappy marriages have roots of infatuation and sex interest only.
2. Most youth are not sure what real love is.
3. Age and maturity give no immunity of infatuation.
4. Teen marriages have twice the risk that they will end in divorces.
5 . Living together and have sex before marriage have tougher times to adjust after marriage.
6. One-sided loves won't work.
7. The following people are far more likely to have good marriage:
o Your parents are happy in their marriage
o You had a happy childhood
o There was a lack of conflict with mother
o There was a lack of conflict with father
o Home discipline was firm but not harsh
o You had a strong attachment to your mother
o You had a strong attachment to your father
o Your parents were frank with you about sex
o Your childhood punishment was infrequent and mild
o You have an expectant, positi ve attitude toward sex that is free from disgust or distaste.

Even if all of these factors are negative, you can still build a good marriage. But you will have
to work harder and be more careful in your mate choice.

8. Good Marriages need to have these five types of love:
o Strong sex interest: strong erotic feelings for each other
o Respect and admiration: hold each other in high regard
o Friendship and fellowship: have many things in common
o Self-giving devotion: love in spite of each other's faults
o Affection: a shoulder to cry on when our burdens are too heavy to bear alone.

THE FOURTEEN CLUES OF LOVE
Warnings about these clues:
1. The order is not important.
2. No clue can stand alone. All of them are important. Failing one or more does not mean you have to break up with your partner right away. It just means that you two are not ready for marriage and need more time to work them out.
3. One-sided loves won't work.


CLUE 1. What is the major attraction?

Infatuation: your main interest is likely to be the person's physical equipment. The main stress is on things you can perceive right away - what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. A marriage based only on sex attraction will last no more than three to five years.

Real Love: your interest is in his or her total personality. Before marriage, ask yourself: "What's she going to look like in 30 years?" It is a sign of real love if the answer is, "She will still look beautiful because of her wonderful personality."

CLUE 2. How many factors attract?

Infatuation: the number of factors that attract you are relatively few. Just the smile? Just the pretty face? Just the lovely hair? Just the funny jokes?

Real Love: many or most qualities of the person - and the relationship - attract you. You like not only the way the person looks and talks, but the way he or she thinks and feels about things and other people.

Do you like the person's reactions to personal success? To failure? To tough challenges? To faults in his or herself, and in you or others? What about use of leisure time? And what about thoughtfulness, kindness, courage , temper, and temperament? Does the person have healthy and balanced attitude s toward money, sex, school, family, and friends? Toward the past and the future? What about bad habits?

Ask yourself two important questions:
1) How many of the countless characteristics of this person do I know enough about?
2) How many of those things do I find attractive?

It takes time and effort to know a person extremely well. Only then can you judge your reaction to the many, many facets of that person's nature. If many or most of those factors attract you, this tends to indicate real love. When the excitement and romance wear off in a marriage, you need lots of other interests in common to hold you together over the long pull. You need to like each other as well as love each other. It does not matter much that you like the same kind of pizzas and movies. It matters very much whether you agree on life- style and whether you want to have children, makes lots of money, or have two separate careers.

Two persons who are psychological opposites may attract and have a good marriage. Social opposites almost never do. It is alright for a dominant person to have a submissive mate. However, the greater the social difference s, e.g. a very rich and a very poor, the greater the dangers.
The more you two agree on these issues, the better your chances for success in marriage:

ROOTS: How similar are you as to: Social Class? Racial, national, and ethnic roots? City vs. country backgrounds? Religions?

VALUES : What is very important to you: Religion? Money? Social position and acceptance? Prestige? Sex before/after marr iage? Who decides?

CHILDREN: Do you like them? Want them? How many? What about birth control? If so, what kind? Who is responsible for it?

MONEY: How much is enough? Who will make it? Save it? For what? Spend it? On what? Who'll budget, pay bills, do the shopping? (More married couples fight about money than any other thing.)

SEX ROLES: Who'll make decisions? Will both work? Will you share home chores? If babies come, will the wife work outside the home?

WHERE AND HOW TO LIVE: Region? Rural or urban? Fancy or modest?

MAIN INTERESTS: Hobbies? Vocation plans? Education? Recreation likes and dislikes?

INVESTMENT IN YOUR FUTURE: What do you plan to do about war, pollution, poverty, and so on?

CONCEPTS OF MARRIAGE: Permanent? Trust and fidelity? Companionship?

MAJOR GOALS AND HOPES FOR THE FUTURE: What do you want out of life? How will you get there from here? Who can help?

COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Can the two of you work out differences? Can you talk over problems with honesty? Can you solve disputes without hurting each other? Do either of you get mad or get grumpy when things don't go your way? Do you feel free to share your true feelings, or do you hold back out of fear or lack of trust and
confidence? You'd best find out before you marry.


CLUE 3. How did it start?

Infatuation: tends to start fast. There is no such thing as love at first sight. A human personality is much too complex to permit that kind of instant insight. Your senses show you only the superficial, the shallow shell. Real love requires that you know and like the other person's whole self, and it takes time.

Real Love: starts slowly. Studies have shown that the longer the period of courtship and engagement, the better the chances for success in a marriage. There is no substitute for passing the test of time. A year is better than six months. Three years are better than two, five better than four. The quality of the time spent with each other is as important as the quantity. Understand that people can be great actors. We all tend to play games with one another, to appear to be what we are not. A couple might date for a long period, yet have only a shallow knowledge of each other. You need to find out what the person is like way down deep inside, beneath the display- window mask.

Caution to older people: People at late 20s are tempted to marry in haste.
Caution to young people: You are more likely to be infatuated than genuinely in love.

CLUE 4. How consistent is your level of interest?

Infatuation: a couple's interest in each other fluctuates a lot. One day you feel sure this is the right person for marriage. Then you develop doubts and wonder if the two of you should date others for a while, to test your feelings more. The reason is you are attracted to only a few things about the other person - probably physical and surface traits. Your interest in each other grew rather fast. The roots of such a Relationship are too thin to nourish it for long. Sex may also be the reason for lack of consistent interest. If a couple becomes involved in pleasurable sex behavior, their interest in each other may vary accordingly to the strength of their sex urge at any given time.

Real Love: the relationship tends to even out and interest in each other is consistent. If you don't reach the peaks of excitement so prevalent in infatuation, neither do you plunge to the depths. As time goes on, you come to count on your love. You know it will be there when you need it. That is not to say that in real love there is no Problems to solve, especially in the early stages of your courtship. Problems of adjustment cannot be avoided. But the longer you know each other, the easier it is to cope when you have real love. The best way to predict the future is to study closely the evidence from the past and the experience of the present. If you had a good relationship all last week, and the week before that, and the month before that, then you are more likely to have it next week, next month, and the year after that.

CLUE 5. How does it affect your personality?

Infatuation: causes a disorganizing and destructive effect on your personality. Infatuation makes you less effective, less efficient, less your real self. Infatuation is irresponsible and fails to consider the future consequenc es of today's actions. In such a condition, you might well lose your head and do things you wouldn't otherwise think of doing. You may even foul up your whole life.

One-sided love or infatuation and the PRINCIPLE OF LEAST INTEREST:

In a one-sided romance, the partner who has the least interest in continuing the affair is able to control the other person. That's because the one who is more involved has more at stake. No one should use another human being for selfish purposes, but people often do. E.g. a girl who doesn't care much for a boy may keep him just to build up her ego to have someone care so much for her. Or for a convenience that she can always count on him for a date if nobody else asks her. She knows he'll put up with shabby treatment because he's so emotionally involved. Or the boy may demand more sexual favors than his girlfriend wants to give.

Real Love: has an organizing and a constructive effect on your personality. It brings out the best in you. There is an intense and satisfying feeling of greater self-realization and expression, as well as a feeling of having one's own personality reinforced and strengthened and enriched. Love gives you new energy and ambition,and more interest in life. It is creative, brings an eagerness to grow, to improve, to work for worthy purposes and ideals. Love is associated with feelings of self-confidence, trust and security. Love lifted you to new levels of maturity and responsible action. When you love a person you make an effort to be more deserving of the beloved. You want your beloved to be proud of you, so you try harder. Life has more purpose. You make plans and save for the future. Life takes on new meaning, more sparkle.

What if you have loved and lost?
You may have had a real love relationship that did not result in marriage. Perhaps one or both of you did not recognize at the time that it was real love. Or some tragedy may have robbed you of your beloved. In spite of the pain of loss, you still are likely to be a better person for having had love. You can better understand yourse lf and be better prepared for finding success in your future relationships. You will be more mature. You grew through your love experience, and that growth will not all wither away. Whatever happened, real love will have an organizing and constructive effect on your personality.


CLUE 6. How and when does it end?

Infatuation: it stops the same way it starts - fast. The few things you do like about the other person - even those strongly held at first - begin to wear thin. All those other things you don't have in common begin more and more to rear their ugly heads. You begin to quarrels, conflicts, even fights, and then doubts about your "love." Soon you break up, UNLESS you and your partner become involved in mutually satisfying sexual relations. Then sex will frustrate the usual test of time. A good sexual relationship may hold a couple together as long as three to five years. But that's about it. Sex alone will not keep a couple together longer than that. MAKING UP THE TEST OF TIME if you are already involved in satisfying sex relations by stop doing it.

Real Love: it stops slowly. It will take long time to end a relationship and it will take long time to get over it. Love involves meshing many, many facets of two personalities. You grow together and become a unit. The person becomes a basic part of you, of your own personality. If a break comes, you are just not going to be the same. In fact, you may never quite get over it for as long as you live. That does not mean that you cannot love again. Social scientists are certain that there are a number of persons in this world with whom each of us normally can have a genuine, deep-seated love that will last.


CLU E 7. How do you see each other?

Infatuation: you live in a two- persons world. You two tend to neglect your family and pay little or no attention to your other friends. You turn a deaf ear to your teachers or your boss. You fail to do your homework. You lose interest in things that used to excite you. It becomes not only the most important thing in your world, but the only thing that really matters to you. Your relationship tend s to be exclusive. Your other friends feel left out, neglected, or ignored. Since this "romantic love" (infatuation) is of such central concern to you, nothing must be allowed to stand in its way. You think you are justified in giving up anything in favor of this amazing event that has happened so unexpectedly.

Infatuation is a vaccine that immunizes you against seeing anything wrong with the other person. You tend to idealized your partner. No one can tell you anything wrong about the object of your affections. At best, you won't believe it. At worst, you may turn against the accuser in anger and rejection. If you are infatuated, you defend the other person against all critics. You just will not admit that he or she has any faults. You idealize not only each other, but also your situation. You two may have gross problems and obstacles to cope with - different religions, hopes, values, family, and cultural backgrounds. Danger signals by the dozen! Yet you are not concerned. You don't even feel the need to think about these enormous hazards before marriage. You think that somehow it all just has to come out OK.

What makes us idealize so much? For one thing, we tend to be on our best behavior while courting. We show only our best side. Another reason is the ""halo effect," or the tendency to judge the whole personality largely in terms of one or two highly admired qualities. One great trait or two can fool us into thinking that the whole person is great as well. And sex gets into the act, too. One study showed that male subjects who were sexually aroused rated the pictures of the same girls to be much more attractive than did the same males when they were not aroused. So in infatuation, you'll tend to see what you want to see in the other person, rather than what is really there. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, INFATUATION IS.

IF IT'S LOVE, YOU ADMIT THEIR FAULTS BUT LOVE THE PERSON IN SPITE OF THEM. You see the person's real merits and build on that. A mutual process is set in motion. Your love leads you to appreciate the best in the other. In turn, as the other person learns of your love, it brings out the best in her or him. You are frank to admit that the other person is not perfect. But you see so much to be admired and respected that you can live with those faults.

Real Love: as with infatuation, in real love the beloved may well be the most important person in the world to you. But there's the big difference. In real love, you expand your world to include the beloved. If you really love each other, you don't abandon or neglect your other relationships. In stead, you just add this wonderful new relationship to all the others you have. It becomes a plus, not a replacement. You still maintain good ties with your family, your friends, your teachers. You retain your interest in your work or studies - assuming that you had such an interest in the first place. Things that you liked to do before, you still like to do. Your world grows larger, not narrower.


IS LOVE BLIND?

No, but infatuation is. Infatuation, like other extreme emotions such as anger, hate, and fear, distorts thinking. Only the passing of time will bring about gradual return to reality. When the ideal bubble bursts - and burst it will - pain and disillusionment sets
in.

A gain, it pays to be honest. Much of the pain and tragedy of romantic infatuation could be avoided if the couple would level with themselves and with each other. Instead, they hide their faults and misled the other into thinking they are something they are not.

For this they pay an awful price. Perhaps the most important reason for self-disclosure is that without it we cannot truly love. How can I love a person I don't know? How can the other person love me if he doesn't know me? The answer:
HONESTY IS A MUST.

We should behave like small children and "act our real selves." Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said one must become as a little child to enter the kingdom of God.

Time is the infatuated person's best friend. It is both the great revealer and the great healer. When your heart has been broken, time will heal the hurt.

Time also is the best antidote for the deadly poison of idealization. As interaction incre ases, knowledge converts the dream image into awareness of the real partner. Awareness punctures the dream bubble and brings the relationship down to earth. Time can shield you from plunging into an unsound marriage on the strength of a mere infatuation. Love that is time tested is the real thing.

You're not my past.
Past is when there's moving on.

You're not my past;
still you are my present.

If dying right now preserves my love for you, then I'll gladly take it;
and an eternity filled with passion shall begin.

You're still not my past
Still for you, I am not any.

RE-POST: The Dancers' Plague

..It's not the same as it used to be. Individuals who started to take up this art in the mid to late nineties can vouch for this. It was all about the things we did together outside of rehearsals that mattered most. We didnt care about staying past midnight because it was worth it. We didnt care what we wore as long as we all represented the same effort. Music selection was a mere representation of the mood we would all be in and competitions were just an excuse for all of us to perform.

Today, dancing has taken a dramatic turn. All of a sudden, the love of dance slowly began to diminish and the driving force to perform revolved solely around being the best and most original. And within a blink of an eye, competitions served only that purpose...to WIN. The dance scene rapidly morphed into a cult-like phenomena similar to that of adolescent southern beauty pageants. Dancers have become like hungry mothers with their teams. Wear the perfect outfit...apply the right make- up...carry yourself on stage with pride and confidence...smile...wow the crowd...be better than the other contestants....sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong, to certain degrees competition is good. It's what motivates many of us to do better. It is a natural human condition that we utilize for self improvement. It is when we make competition the burning core to which our world of dance revolves around that it creates a shady and shallow surface.

Loyalties have been betrayed; friendships lost; identities tangled.This has become an all too familiar fate for the new generation breed of dancers. They have no idea what it means to devote themselves to the cause. They claim to love the art, but what they mean to say is that they love how the art makes them look. But the moment something better breaks its way through, they're out the door. If we were to give up on everything we were doing each time something better came along the way, we would never get ANYTHING done. That is the story of life. There is nothing wrong with moving onto newer things. Challenges should always be embraced no matter what. But there is no use in trying to reach for the stars if you're not willing to climb the mountains that bring you closer to it. And then when you've reached that top and you're sitting there bleeding and bruised, that is when you've EARNED the right to pursue a bigger mountain. Dancers today think they can just tie on their new dunks and hop their way up into the stars not knowing what it actually takes to really become one. And it's sad.
But not all dancers are at fault for this. This new breed came into the dance scene when the artform was in full throttle. So for some of them, this is all they know. It's like a rich child growing up sheltered, naïve and ignorant to the welfare of society. Is it really their fault for only knowing the glamour of life? I presume it isn't. But if they don’t educate themselves on what it means to work and earn that lifestyle then they will never be able to fully reap the fulfillment of who they are, what they do, and most importantly: what they HAVE.

Who would have ever thought that we would invest so much of our time and energy into something that doesn't pay our bills or rent?? I know why...because we LOVE it. Dance is our escape from the bitter realities of the world. It is our refuge from the personal tyranny that haunts us from the inside. We learn a lot about ourselves in this process and we become humanly stronger because of it. It is a God-given talent we were blessed with and subconsciously we apply it metaphorically throughout life.

So ask yourself this...why do you dance? Why do you do it? Why???

It's Complicated

I’ve realized that life is indeed full of contradictions. Sometimes it’s crazy to be sane, you need to fall to fly, people suffer because you care.

You have to unlearn to know the lesson, you have to give up because you are strong, you have to be wrong to make things right.

Nonetheless, life’s complexities are also life’s source of beauty. We should cry to laugh again, fall apart to be whole again, & get hurt to love again.

-boatmate

======================================================

[[[ Why can't we just go back to the good 'ol days when life ain't that complicated…when our happiness lies on a yummy pasalubong or a day-out in the park or a you've-been-such-a-good-girl-you-deserve-an-all-u-can-eat-Jollibee-treat! ]]]

Chronicles of a Breakup

On love...found and lost... letting go... moving on... living life... starting over... and falling in love all over again.

The world is a great place. And being in love is one of the greatest feelings - tingles and everything. Conversely, having your heart broken sucks - big time! Two extreme emotions in the spectrum of love. Wouldn’t it have been much simpler if you had just stayed IN-love for the rest of your life? But that's not how the game of love is played. You'll never know that it's over until it's over. Sad thing is, whatever you do, you'll always be powerless against the twisted hands of fate. You'll just have to accept the bitter truth, swallow your pride and try your best not to be consumed by remorse and self-doubt.

Breakups are always hard - even the most amicable and mutual of separations - to both the dumper and the dumpee. And relationships that lasted for years are the hardest to come out of. The dumper is often plagued by feelings of guilt over breaking somebody's heart. Somebody whom the dumper deeply and genuinely(?) cared about. Countless days, nights, weeks or even months of thoughtful contemplation precedes THE "deed". The cons of staying in the relationship obviously outweighed the pros; hence, the unbelievably heart-wrenching but viciously honest final act of love is tendered. It is done. Au contraire for the dumpee, this is just the beginning. It’s like a rug has been pulled out from under you and your world has been turned upside-down. A swarm of overwhelming emotions torments you all at the same time – pain, fear, doubt, confusion, sadness, betrayal, etc. There are so many questions you want answered but you fear hearing them resolved with brutal honesty lest you get hurt even more. You feel sick… forlorn… dejected… abandoned… betrayed… empty… and miserably lost. But no matter what you do, the memory of love lost torments your every waking hour; then sleepless nights follow. You lose your appetite and your weight drops, your work suffers and even your other relationships take the back seat. You can’t seem to get a grip on things. You can’t take the first step because you don’t know how to. You blame the other woman…you blame your ex…you blame yourself. Sounds familiar? Well, this is the story of us all… of love and loss.

Oftentimes, we dwell in the past...endlessly torturing ourselves with thoughts of "I'm the one for him, he just can't see it now...but he will, eventually" or "Will I ever find another great love? Did I just lose my chance?" or "He'll come to his senses and when he does, I'll be right here waiting". Newsflash: Both of you may have been the greatest persons on earth, shared great chemistry, loved each other deeply; but now, you’re just not right for each other anymore. Because no matter how hard you try to cram your toes inside, if the shoe no longer fits – albeit it’s your favorite pair - it’s time to lay it aside and look for new ones. Thus, commencing your seemingly endless quest for that elusive perfect shoe.*** Truth of the matter is that: it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. Deny it all you want, but deep down inside, you know this to be true on some level. Feelings fade, people change and there’s nothing you can do about it – it’s a fact of life…offering no reason to numb the pain… this just is… the harsh but liberating truth. First step is acceptance. The best worst news is, you get to start over. You have full reign of your life. Enjoy this time while you can. Do all the things you have been thinking and planning to do but had no time – see the world, splurge, pamper yourself, catch up on your reading, reconnect with old friends. Because you’ll never know when love will come knocking on your door once again and the next relationship you’ll get into can be the one that lasts forever. However unthinkable these ”things” are, they do happen for a reason. It may be unfathomable to us now but all shall be revealed in time. Don’t go looking for answers that you know you’re not ready to be uncovered. Be patient… be still... better things will come. A perfect plan has already been laid out for you and all you have to do now... is wait. Don’t ruin your chance of finding your happy-ever-after by sticking it out with a relationship that you know has already been broken long before you even realize that it was.

Someday…somehow… things will fall in their rightful places. What’s meant to be, will ALWAYS find a way. But if it isn’t, live and let live… Be grateful for the fact that even once in your life, you have loved and have been genuinely loved in return. No regrets. No misgivings.

Let go... move on... live life... start anew... find love… and fall all over again.

And with William Ernest Henley, I’ll take my leave:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Good night.

*****

Soon to come...
My Breakup Diary
The Quest for the Perfect Shoe*** (to be co-authored w/ Ate Berns)

******

Quotable Quotes

© "I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake...daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."

© "All that I am...all that I see...all that I dream and do are brighter, more beautiful and meaningful, because of my feelings for you."

© "I can't escape the thought of you. Even in my dreams you are there. It's not fair how you're gone, and how you're moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past."

© "You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth."

© "Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

© "What's meant to be will always find a way."

© "A gift may not be able to represent how deep a person is in love with you, but one thing is certain, a person who never gives will never be able to take."

© "You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end."

© "I would rather have three minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special."

© "Never rush into falling in love, because love never runs out; let love be the one to knock at your door. Besides, true love is worth waiting for."

My Love Story: LOVE CONQUERS ALL

Chie, Love Conquers All is your primary love story!

At its core, the Love Conquers All story is very romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty. The catalyst for change in your love story is usually a pivotal event, circumstance, or reevaluation of yourself.

Where should you look for these pivotal moments? Challenges may come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about? Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?

These themes are echoed throughout history and recorded in diaries, novels, television and films. In Jane Austin's novel "Emma" for example, the protagonist put everybody else's romantic needs before her own. Had she not stopped to question herself, she would have missed a chance for love altogether. Was she just looking after her friends? Or was she guarding herself from the potential hurt of a relationship or unrequited love?

Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but think about it. Are you ever afraid of being held back from your goals? Or that a relationship might make attaining those goals a slower process, or change them completely?

Remember Nicolas Cage in the film "Family Man"? Through a strange twist of fate, he's given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. With this insight, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.

Even if fate doesn't throw obstacles in your way, it's possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed passed the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date "all wrong" for you? There's a reason you're holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an out, an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your love story comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.

Once you recognize this as your story, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself and make a commitment, or break with someone before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful love stories out there.

In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In "Autumn in New York," a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it's too late? The love story that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it's always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it's quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you're equipped to find it.

All Hail the Hopeless...Ooops!...Idealistic Romantics!!!

Chie, when you're head over heels, you are an Idealistic Romantic!

The rituals of romance are important to you. And for that reason, if the object of your affections doesn't appreciate the value of things like red roses and candlelight dinners, they might not hold your interest for very long. However, you're not just looking for a thoughtful date who appreciates romantic gestures. You seek a deeper emotional bond.Once you find that special love, you'll probably be the first to declare that you're head-over-heels rather than hold back you're emotions. After all, what good is being in love if you can't share it?

Love does change you. Whether it simply enhances who you already are, or makes you a completely different person, finding someone whose love personality compliments your own makes for the longest, happiest relationships.

****
How so very true. *sigh*

I see Green!

When the results did not yield purple-lilac-violet-periwinkle or lavender, I was a wee-bit disappointed. Oh alright, not just a tad...a bit...a pinch but totally downtrodden (pardon the melodrama). The thing that got to me really was that it wasn't even blue or red or even pink...it was GREEN! Of all the colors, my one true color was green! There has to be some mistake, so I re-took the test (just to somehow appease my bludgeoning mind) without even a glimpse on the explanation below it. With some minor alterations on my previous answers – those which I had second thoughts on my first try – I clicked on the submit button with eager anticipation. But much to my dismay, there it was again…that undesirable word in bold, impudent, tauntingly lettered G-R-E-E-N! My thoughts were dispersed in sporadic details…

Me…green…envy…jealousy…suspicion…distrust…moolah…

As I conceded, I read on… shedding light to my convoluted mind… banishing all malevolent associations…then, slowly turning my frown upside down with the unraveling of the mystery behind the formerly undesirable color that was…GREEN!



Chie, your true color is Green!
You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

The Goddess in Me

SIREN?!?!?! Couldn't believe it either. I actually re-took this test desparately wanting to unravel a different goddess that resides in deep slumber within my beautiful self. But, heaven forbid, the enchanting voice of this mesmerizing creature is definitely lost in me... but if siren = fashion goddess...so be it. No contest in that.


Chie, you're Siren!
Like the beautiful sea mermaids who've swum before you, Siren, you certainly have a way of drawing people in. Whether wooing a crush with your alluring voice or impressing someone with your unique take on the world, you're sure to captivate more than your share of audiences.It must be the balance between your glittering personality and your individual style that keeps friends and family enamored by your presence. From being able to predict next season's "it" color to pairing leopard print with plaid before it hits the pages of Vogue, people see you as a fashion goddess. You may not want to admit it, but you're part trendsetter and people look to you for direction. Of course, you know there's more to life than shopping for the latest adorable accessory. You pursue success in all aspects of life — from offering creative insights at work to running marathons. You have big dreams, Siren, and by keeping them in sharp focus, you're sure to come out a winner.

What's Your Goddess Identity?
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We all know our IQ's and EQ's but I didn't have an inkling that there exists such a thing called "Relationship IQ"... Anyways, just went along with this one. Don't even know what my score means!Reliability...nada. Accuracy...zilch. Fun and enjoyment... will do. So, what the heck!


You're a Communicating!
Chie, your Relationship IQ is 122

Your Relationship IQ score is a number that measures your general knowledge of how people should behave in relationships. But we also took a look at how you behave in your relationships. Your test results tell us that your greatest relationship strength is communicating with your partner while your weakest is accepting your partner's differences.

The Relationship IQ Test
Brought to you by Tickle

You're a Facts Curator!
Your IQ score is 126

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Facts Curator. This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills — which puts you in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

The Classic IQ Test
Brought to you by Tickle

Pretty in Pink

Chie, your signature color is Pink Chiffon!

There's nothing saccharine about you — your sweetness is one hundred percent natural! A gentle, thoughtful romantic like you must be paired with a color that's soft and warm — but still has a subtle sophisticated sheen. That's why Pink Chiffon is the perfect color for you! You're probably known for making the most of every situation and trying to see the best in people. But while you may be cheerful and innocent at times, you're nobody's fool. You may see the world through rose-colored glasses, but you can still see, after all.While you make wise insights time after time, it's probably your good nature and perpetual optimism that are what you're known for and what make you a joy to be around. Even those who sometimes make fun of your Pollyanna-like proclamations will turn to you when they need a friend and some cheering up. So keep pink, Chiffon. With you around, the world's a better place!


What's Your Signature Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

Broken stained-glass windows, the fragments ramble on
Tales of broken souls, an eternity's been won
As critics scorn the thoughts and works of mortal man
My eyes are drawn to you in awe once again

In your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move you compose a symphony
And you plead to everyone, "see the art in me"